Shameless - Mickeys POV - Gallavich

Possibilities

I've avoided Ian for five days. Five. Whole. Days. I can't begin to explain how much not seeing him has been killing me but I have to avoid him. I don't know what I was thinking kissing him, I don't know what I was thinking sleeping with him. I had let go of all my willpower and allowed myself those few moments and was slapped by reality when my father walked through the door front door as Ian and I were getting dressed.

I don't know what I would have done if he'd had caught us, better yet, I can't imagine what he would have done to Ian. So I had to hide from him, turn back into the asshole I knew so well how to be to protect him, to protect me. Anyone who knew my father, knew he didn't like man on man contact, he would have beaten us within an inch of our lives and had us clean up the mess. But fuck, I couldn't get Ian out of my head. Being with him was almost worth losing my life over because with him I actually felt alive. I didn't have to lie to him or pretend to be someone I wasn't. I was just, me and he accepted that whether I was being an ass or being sweet.

I had heard he had been looking for me the last few days. Showing up at my house to 'see Mandy' only to leave when he figured out I wasn't there, sitting out on his front porch waiting for me to walk by after he got out of school like I normally did but I switched my normal route.

"Why does Ian keep looking for you?" Mandy had finally asked me.

I tried to look as confused as I possibly could. "What are you talkin' about? How the fuck would I know."

She rolled her eyes at me. If there was one person I couldn't lie to, it was my sister. She read through me like glass.
"Bullshit. You know if I ask him, he'll tell me so you might as well fess up." She told me confidently.

"The fuck he won't." I replied too quick and just like that, I was caught. She waited patiently with her eyebrow raised until I finally took a deep breath. It would feel good to tell someone, wouldn't it?
"You can't say a damn word Mandy, I'll rip your throat out if you do." I give her the most serious look I could conjure, causing her to perk up some and told her everything. She didn't interrupt me once or give me any weird or disgusting looks. She just, listened and when I was done she shocked us both when she got up and hugged me.

"Mickey, you don't have to pretend y'know. I love you either way and just want you to be happy. Besides, Ian's good for you and I can tell he really cares." Then she slapped me in the back of the head and moved out of the hug, standing to her feet. "Which now explains why he looks like torture every time I see him. Have you been avoiding him?" All I could do was nod my head. Damn, I probably fucked his mind all up.
"You suck for that." She hisses. "You need to see him."

"I can't." I yell out. "Damn it, I can't. Don't you get it? Dad would kill me!"

"Oh stop your damn whining. Fuck dad. Since when do you care what his miserable ass thinks?"

"Since I started to care about someone. Mandy, it's not me I'm worried about, it's what he'll do to Ian that I'm worried about."

"So you're just going to hide away from him forever? To please good ol' dad?"

I shake my head yes, "I have to." I tell her.

She shakes her head at me, now, in disgust. "Okay, pretend to be who you want to be. That's fine." She walks towards the bedroom door and turns back to me before walking out. "I'm going to tell Ian about this conversation, tell him you don't want him like that and then, I'm going to find him a boyfriend that likes him and gives a shit about him. One that's not afraid to be with him." She turns her back to me and walks out of the room.

Something inside me starts to boil, Ian with another guy? I can't fuckin' think about it. Fuck. Maybe it's better that way. Someone else could give him what he deserves, to be happy. I can't give him all that, not unless I tell my dad the truth, then I can be free. Free, that would be nice but would it be worth it? Shit, anything to have Ian freely would be worth it to me.

"Mandy!" I yell before I can change my mind.

"What." She says as she walks in.

"I'll tell him." I simply say as she smiles and claps her hands.

"Oh Mick, good, you deserve to be happy y'know."

"I know." I tell her.

"Great! I can't wait till you tell Ian." She says as she turns to walk out of my room again.

"Oh and Mandy," I say before she's completely out of the door. "Don't ever mention hooking Ian up with someone else again. I'll kill you, slowly." I smile and she laughs walking out of my room.