The Fifteenth Member (Thorin Oakenshield/OFC)

Chapter 64

I do not know when Wani took her final breath but once I realized it, the severity of what I had let her do hit me. I had let her throw her life away. If only I had tried just a little harder! She might still be alive! Grief hit me faster than Smaug had flown. I had hardly spent any time with her since the triplets were born! I hadn't been there for her when it mattered most, I had been so wrapped up with plans that others could make for me but NO, I had to be the control freak I was and plan out every single meticulous little detail and not save any time for her! She had been with me at my wedding, held hers off so I could attend, and spent every spare second she had at my bedside in the later months of my pregnancy! My best friend since before I could walk and now she was gone for good. I had taken her for granted and put her on the bottom of my priority list. Now she was gone. And she was never coming back. And it was all my fault.

Fili was just as distraught over the loss, even Thorin was shedding tears but that was probably only because I was bombarding him with my guilt and grief through my mind. Kili was trying to comfort his older brother but he would have more luck tickling a corpse. Fenriel, the only one who was present and not crying, quietly removed people from the room one by one.

"I need to prepare her body for burial." She told Fili softly.

"NO! She's not dead! She's faking it!"

"Fili." I barely recognized my own voice, "Don't make this any harder than it has to be. Please."

"How can you say that, Mereniver, hm? You knew her better than I did. How can you just let go!?" He roared, "Did she not mean anything to you?!" I couldn't reply to that. I did not have the strength to form words around the ball in my throat.

"Ok, that's enough." Fenriel picked the dwarf up by force with surprising strength and carried him from the room. Then she came back for me.

"Come." Was all she said as she helped me to my feet.

"Wait!"

"Mereniver–" But I broke from her grasp and wrapped my arms around Wani's cooling body.

"I promise," I murmured, my voice trembling with every syllable, "I will never forget you, ever. You were the best friend I ever had and ever will have." I couldn't say anymore but there was so much more I wanted to tell her. I just didn't have the strength to. "I'm so sorry." Was all I was able to choke out before Fenriel guided me out of the room.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. So did the rest of the week. I barely remember Wani's funeral. All I know was that she was buried with all of the other royals and esteemed members of Erebor. The first since Smaug had taken the mountain. The sound of the stone slab closing for good is the only thing I could recall and it was a sound that I would never forget. I became a ghost. With the triplets keeping me up and on my feet constantly and nobody to keep me company aside from more grieving family, I began to lose purpose in my life. And exactly one week after Wani's death, everything took a turn for the worst. It all started when Thorin came home early with a grim look on his face. I had only left our chambers to eat in the entire week so I had fallen behind on what was going on in the mountain.

"Mereniver..." I knew that tone. That was the 'I have really, really, REALLY bad news' tone.

"What. Just tell me."

"One third of the dwarves from the Blue Mountains never came here. They went and established a kingdom in Khazadûm, the place you may know better as the Mines of Moria."

"So?"

"They have been having issues with goblins for the past few weeks. Trouble so bad that they may be forced to leave. Khazadûm is the richest mine of many minerals and to lose it would be a terrible blow to the dwarves."