I sat in my bed, cuddling pillows i wished was her. I looked at my digital clock. 5:48 it said. I had been in it since four o' clock. I was tired, and i really wanted to sleep, but my mind raced with thoughts of her. I loved her so much, but either she refuses to love me or hates the the fact she does and doesn't want to tell me.
The clock changed to 5:49. I stared at it a moment. '549' i thought 'so close to my favorite number, yet so far.' My favorite number was 949, and everytime i looked at the clock, it caught my eye because it looked like it said "9:49", but instead it said "5:49." It was so close to what i wanted, but it was missing a single line. I thought, and something came to me. It reminded me of my life. I knew it was a dumb comparison, but it did. I looked at the five, and all it needed was a line. it was missing the single line, and it would have been what i wanted. I realized that line that was missing was her. If i had her, my life would have been complete. I loved her, and i hated the fact that she refused to date me. it made me upset, and especially since it was because of my age. I'm seventeen, she's thirteen, and it angered me. Why couldn't i be younger, why couldn't she be older, why did she have to refuse me on a reason like that. I understood what she meant, she was right, it did matter now. I hated that it did, and honestly, i wanted to cry. She means everything to me. she's my best friend, the girl that i love, she was all i ever wanted. She was different from all the others, she stood out to me. She was so kind to me, so sweet, and i did my best to return the favor.
Honestly, it hurt. She refused to date me, but i was still her best friend. Was I in the friend zone? No, i was stuck as an undatable person to her because of my age. Honestly, i didn't give two shits that she was thirteen. I wasn't a fuck boy, going for nudes or pleasure. I was looking for a lasting relationship, but she was so young, she didn't understand. I loved her so much, and all i feel now is the hollow pain where my heart used to be because she had it. I'm always so happy when im talking to her, so happy when she is there, but so unhappy when she is gone. She meant more to me than everyone else ever had. She meant the world to me and i love her so much. Why can't she see that i love her! Why does she have to be so ignorant when it comes to love! I'm right here, arms spread wide open waiting for her to choose, but i never get chosen. She refuses to choose me and it hurt. Every time she chose somebody else, i become more shattered that i was before. Every time she chose somebody else, she stomped on the shattered pieces of my heart, breaking me even more.
I looked back at my digital clock. '5:52' it said. I stared at it until i cried. Out of frustration, out of anger, out of sadness. all because of her. I loved her so much...
