Loved Me Back to Life

Chapter 3

Entry August 30, 2013

'Dear diary...

Today's the day that I am packing up everything that I've ever owned and moving up north to start my new life. I've been crying non stop for weeks trying to get my mom to change her mind, but she just won't budge. I'm really dreading this. I haven't even been able to pack for myself cause thinking about how I'm going to be living with seven other girls in a little apartment doesn't sit right with me. That's all I've been doing this morning and my sister's think I'm just trying to get out of doing my own work, but little do they know I have absolutely no control over what my body does. My room looks so empty, almost as empty as I feel right now. All my clothes and shoes fit into one suitcase and all my little trinkets fit into one small little bag. Although it's comforting to know that I don't have to carry a whole lot of bags everywhere, now I'm able to really see how little I have. Sigh, I have to go now cause my mom keeps nagging at me. Bye x'

"Shelby get down here and eat breakfast before we leave." She basically growled at me as I strolled towards the door and I just ignored her as I hugged my sisters goodbye and put in my headphones. My mom then said her goodbyes, blew out some kisses, then closed the door and locked it behind her.

We loaded up the car with my two and a half bags then we got in ourselves. 

"You ready for this Shelby are you excited?!" 

All I did was stare at her and shake my head at her, but that didn't seem to kill her spirits. She still had the widest smile on her face, showing off her pearly whites as she began driving off. My mom soon got on the phone with her "boyfriend" who I really didn't care for and that was my cue to turn my music up even louder. I had my music on shuffle, but it wasn't playing the songs that I wanted to hear so I kept skipping until Skinny Love by Ed Sheeran came on and I just put that one on replay, closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the seat. Unfortunately, the trip to the airport wasn't that long. Notice I didn't say far. The ride from my house to the airport is maybe forty-five minutes, but it only took us about half that because my mom really doesn't care about the posted speed limit signs along the road. I swear she thinks they're there for like decoration or something.

So, when we got into the parking lot and parked in front of the entrance, my mom helped me get my bags together as well as my plane ticket and I.D. and I was all set.  

"Alright Shelby, this is it. You're about to start your new life!" 

I saw her eyes turn into pools as she stood in front of me. This was all really surreal. I've never been away from mom, like ever. She's always been there for me with every thing. Granted she hasn't helped with me my condition, but she's been there throughout every other milestone in my life. She's been my teacher from kindergarten to my last year in high school and now I'm going off to live a life where I am my own mother, father, grandparent, and sister. I don't think she 's as scared as I am about all of this, in fact I knew she wasn't, but she's definitely a close second. Just thinking about everything we've been through together and how much I'm going to miss her brought tears to my own eyes and I clung to her like a koala. We were both sobbing and sniffling out of control and people were beginning to stare, but that's not what stopped us. 

"Ok Shelby, alright… you don't wanna miss your flight." 

She wiped her tears trying to put on her fake smile where as I didn't try smiling at all cause it was too painful.  

"Go on sweetie. Then text me when you get on the plane and as soon as you land and as soon as you get to the campus…. alright?" 

She got a weak grin out of me solely because her motherly instincts were showing and I thought it was kind of funny.