Loved Me Back to Life

Chapter 9 pt. 2

"It's Louis and I just came to return Shelby's journal."

I shook harder than I anticipated when I heard the name that was associated with my journal. And although I was more than relieved that I was getting my journal back, I couldn't get excited because I was too busy thinking about all the possibilities. Did someone else have it and he got it back for me? Did he find it in the class room and try to return it to me afterwards? Did he find it but want to keep it? Did he read anything? How much did he read? Those questions clouded my mind and I shook frenziedly but I tried my best to keep still because I wanted all of them to think that I was sleep. The only reason I was faking it was because I was getting tired of them all trying to make me eat. I did eat, or drink rather, the food they tried feeding me, but I felt my stomach filling up quickly and my body felt like it was going to explode and the only way I felt I could stop it but if I purged. But I couldn't do that with their twenty-four watch they have on me so I needed a way to distract myself. 

"Thank for returning it mate, she was wreck."

"Oh it's no problem really, but um, could I see her?"

"You could, but she's sleep so she can't really do much to show her gratitude."

Why does he want to see me? I mean like… no why does he want to see me? He talks to me every once and a while, mostly to try and swoon me, which I have to admit works some of the times, but he's never came off as the type who'd care about me. And I know I said he seems like a caring person deep down and I still do believe that, but I just.. it's way deep down. I'm not trying to say he's a bad person I'm just saying I've never seen him act "caring" towards any girl, especially when he's talking about all his sexscapades. It's unfortunate that I have to hear those stories first, because they're disrespectful cause I'm sure the girl doesn't know her business is getting broadcasted and second, because I um, i actually started developing feelings for him. I don't really want to call them feelings because I don't know him enough to like him, but my attraction for him is getting a little stronger. 

"It's alright I'll just catch her sometime after break."

"Sure thing, and thanks again."

After Louis had left, I couldn't help but replay what he said in my mind over and over and notice the disappointment in his tone. Did he really wanna see me cause he cared or was it for some other reason that he had, because I'm pretty positive that he doesn't know that I was in the hospital, mostly because none of the people I hang around talk to Louis, well except for Harry, but he doesn't even know, so it couldn't be because he cared. And it's not like it bothers me though, him not caring, even if he did know. I mean like, why should he you care? He doesn't know me, he has a reputation of just sleeping with girls all the time, and, for some reason I still don't understand, he's pretty popular around here, so why would he need to bother thinking about me? The one girl with a million problems. And I do recall him calling me a freak, which isn't something a person calls someone they care about, so there really isn't any doubt about it. He doesn't care about me. 

I had snapped out of my thoughts when I felt a gentle hand on my arm, rubbing it cautiously trying not to "break me", as they always seem to say, and it wasn't until then that I recognized the dampness of my cheeks. Was I seriously this upset cause he doesn't care? There are plenty of people, of whom I know and don't know, who don't care about me or what I'm going through and I'm sitting here worrying about Louis Tomlinson not caring? I'm pathetic. I had to wipe my eyes and cheeks so that nobody saw the two tears that'd slipped out and I tried my hardest to get my mind off of him. I don't even know this guy and he's already got me crying over him. I clung to my own body even more, only enveloping myself in my blankets and putting myself in the corner of my bed even more than I had been before because I knew the reason I was reacting the way I was about this situation. I knew the reason as to why I cared about whether or not he cared about me so much. I knew... But I wasn't going to admit it.