Self harm poems

Rant

* Sorry this isn't a poem I just needed to vent *

I just don't see the point anymore. Everyone I love and learn to trust leaves. What's the point of breaking down my walls if I'm left alone time after time. I know it's not intentional but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Pain is pain. I can't express how I feel. And it's hard, really hard to build up relationships and learn to let people in. And I did. I tried. For so long things where ok. I could lie to myself and create the perfect illusion that I was ok. That I was getting better. But then everything came crashing down around the very ground beneath my feet. Left for another cause more important than my own. Left alone and on my own again. Building up my walls stronger than before, retracting further than before. Hiding from myself. I can't take it anymore. I just don't want to do it. Why when it's all screwed in a ball and crumpled. Thrown back in my face. I'm so done trying to recover when it all gets worse than how it was before. Did I really think it was going to be ok? That I could kid myself forever. Shame on me. Thrown into a cycle more vicious than before. Giving up on everything around me, it'll all be gone soon so why bother. It'll all move on and leave me behind, drowning in the darkness. Lost in the shadows of my mind. Flailing for help. But I can't help myself. I just don't care. Others have given up and abandoned me, so I have too. And it sucks. It really does. To know your always the second choice. The back up. The spare. To know that no one misses you. They don't really want you. Otherwise they'd be here. They'd stay. They wouldn't leave me when there the only thing keeping me going. But I'm alone and everything's not ok. It's getting hard to cope. Did they think it would be the same? Were they really so blind to my desperation? Why couldn't they see how much I needed them. How much things where improving, I could cope. Sure the self harm never completely stopped, but at least I had someone to share the burden with, and hope. Now I'm cast into a bottomless pit that I'm not strong enough to claw myself out of. Not anymore. Not now I'm so spent with another broken promise. Another one gone who said they'd stay. And I know that they still are but its not the same. And it won't be. I've been pushed aside and I can't trust, it's too broken. What do I have to blame? Myself. I was stupid enough to think that someone cared enough to stay. And I'm done. I'm so alone, no one really knows me. I just can't do this anymore.