There is so much pain. And I'm at the point of breaking. I'm done. I'm so fed up of this ache that won't leave, constantly coursing through every vain, every single fibre of my being slowing destroying itself piece by piece. A sickness of the mind. A disease. And I want to be unplugged. From the suppressing overwhelming hatred I suffer from myself. I just want it to stop. I just want it to be over. I'm so desperate to end it. I can't cope. I want it to end me. I want it to consume me and just let it end. I just want it be over. It's midnight and I'm laid here and there's nothing I can do but let these overbearing and dark thoughts corrupt my mind. There's no way to stop them. I'm so fed up, there was no point in trying to recover if here I am over six months later still feeling the same undeserving, pathetic thoughts. I should never have thought things would have changed. They all leave eventually, I don't know why I thought this time something would be different. But I can't even be mad because I only have myself to blame. Only my infinite faults and imperfections as cause. It's all my fault. And I know so many people would be better off without me, it's no great secret. All I do is lie to myself. I'm unworthy. Damaged. Broken. From the inside out I'm ruined. Truly I'm set to self destruct. It's only a matter of time. Who was I kidding to think I would get over this. It's me. But I don't recognise myself anymore. I don't know who I am. I have lost all identity and purpose and instead am filled with a festering sense of dread, anxiety and utter worthlessness. And I honestly don't know how much longer I can go on for like this. It's not living, not anymore. I'm merely existing, a vessel in which these thoughts multiply and have reached such a level of toxicity that's unbearable. Because fill a head with so many thoughts of darkness, and eventually it will crack. Breaking open, leaving the host so lifeless and finally set them free from the torture of their own minds. Sometimes you need to be a glow stick; to break before you shine. But I've already broken and my light is fading faster than I'm afraid I can stop. There's nothing left for me to do. Mind over matter, and my mind is a vicious son of a bitch.
A/N
Sorry not a poem, an imperfect piece of my mind will have to do I guess.
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Self harm poems
PoetryJust some poems I wrote about self harm, suicide and eating disorders. Please don't read if there going to trigger you x
