A Very Cliché Story [Parody]

Chapter 8: Everyone Dies And I Pull A Bella Swan

There were a few moments of silence. Then Zayn Malik sneezed.

Everyone immediately turned to him and shot him. Zayn, now shot more times than Julius Caesar had been stabbed, fell dead to the ground. Everyone resumed their standoff and circled each other once again. I was surprised One Direction had been so quick to shoot a member of their band just for sneezing, but I guess that's what happens when you have eight guys in love with you.

SNAP.

Everyone, myself included, turned our heads towards the sound, which came from the forest behind us. There was a rustling noise coming from the bushes and my mind started racing. This wasn't West Virginia, this was Oregon-- there could be anything out there! Bears? Wolves? Zombies? Sasquatch? Miley Cyrus? Oh God, I really hoped it wasn't Miley Cyrus!

We all watched as, to our surprise, Courtney emerged from the bushes holding a rocket launcher.

"Surprise, bitches," she said, "I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me."

She shouldered the rocket launcher and pulled the trigger. I dove out of the way as the rest of One Direction, Tyler, the Hollister model, and Aaron were simultaneously blown up in the large explosion.

I stood up, brushing the dust off myself. The area where the Mexican Standoff had been just minutes before was now filled with flaming bushes and smoke. Even the van had a large dent in the door and burn marks on it.

Then I remembered Aaron, the love of my life, had just been blown up by my mortal enemy, along with every other love interest I'd ever had. I was really freaking pissed off!

I looked around frantically for Courney, so I could strangle the crap out of that life-ruining skank, and saw her sprinting away from the scene. I ran after her, dodging fallen logs and tree branches. I looked up and didn't see Courtney anywhere. She had gotten away, damn it! I kicked a rock angrily and stomped back to the clearing.

I pried open the van's door and climbed into the driver's seat, finding the keys conveniently still in the ignition. I started up the car and started driving, following the tracks from earlier to get out of the forest. I got onto a highway and glanced at a small sedan with a flashy sticker on the back window. Looking more closely, I read what the sticker said: "Life Is Good."

I gripped the steering wheel tightly and stared ahead at the road. Life was definitely not good. Everyone I loved was gone, including my favorite band! When I went home, I had no one to go home TO, except my stupid uncle! I felt tears start forming in my eyes, and I started sobbing.

"Ugh...No. I probably shouldn't cry while driving," I choked to myself, and fumbled for the radio button to distract myself. Of course, the song that came on was "The Story Of My Life" by my recently-deceased favorite band. I felt more tears coming, so I turned on a country station even though I hate country. And that's how I spent the rest of my drive listening to some songs about chewing tobacco and Red Solo Cups.

*************

I pulled into my driveway and went into my house. I looked at my phone and saw the time was 10:17 PM. Hopefully my uncle wouldn't notice me coming in this late. I slowly pushed the door open and saw a note on the table:

Hailey,

Going out, be back tomorrow.

-Phil

'I'm surprised he even left a note', I scoffed to myself. I climbed the stairs to my room and flopped down on my bed. I thought about everything that had happened that day-- Meeting Aaron, Courtney and Tyler, being betrayed by Courtney, Tyler being shirtless, meeting Harry Styles and the rest of One Direction, being kidnapped by Hollister models, seeing a Mexican Standoff, and everyone being blown up by Courtney. I seriously had one hell of a day.

But that didn't change the fact that everyone I loved was dead, and I sat in front of window and started crying. I cried all night and into the next day. I kept crying when my uncle came home. I cried for the rest of the week and then I just kept on crying.

OCTOBER

I'm so heartbroken. I will never love again.

NOVEMBER

I'm so sad. Just so sad.

DECEMBER

I'm still so sad. This is worse than the Reichenbach Fall from Sherlock, and that was pretty heartbreaking.

JANUARY

I have very nice abs from crying so much. But how am I even still crying, physically? I should have run out of tears months ago. Oh well, just gonna curl up on my floor and cry some more.

FEBRUARY

I'm so sad I can't even cry anymore. Or maybe it's the fact I haven't really left my room for four months. Yeah, it's probably that. Wait... Oh God, I haven't left my room in FOUR MONTHS?! Great, now I'm crying over all the things i'm missing in the outside world. Crap.

MARCH

Alright, I've missed like three holidays, I think it might be time to stop crying now... My mind is saying, 'Stop crying!' but my body is saying, 'No! Keep crying!' I think I should Tweet about this emotional rollercoaster. That should solve my problems, right?

I stood up, my legs stiff, and picked up my phone. Opening Twitter, I started typing out my dilemma when suddenly I saw a giraffe out of the corner of my eye. I did a double take. A giraffe! I didn't have a giraffe! 'But wait', I thought, looking at the giraffe. 'That could only mean--'

"Hailey?"

I groggily opened my eyes.

"It's time to get up. It's the first day of school!" My mom chirped, opening my curtains to let the sunrise in and walking out.

I sat up in bed. "Wow, what a weird dream," I said to myself and got up to start my day.

*************

AUTHOR'S NOTE

The End! Mwahaha, plot twist! (What? You really thought vampires and all this stuff was real? Come on, this isn't Supernatural.) I hope everyone liked my story! I had a lot of fun writing it, so maybe I'll write another story. It probably won't be too soon, though, but I'll keep you updated. Anyway, if you liked my story comment on what you thought of it, the ending, etcetera. Have a nice day :3