sometimes I have days where I feel cold on the inside.
days like this I have lost my train of thought.
I've waited to talk only to be interrupted.
i have been overcome with a sort of sadness that makes my mind ache.
yet at the same time it is comforting.
why
i do not get the anxiety that makes me numb.
the mind that makes me stay up all night.
high off of the bad dreams and past experiences.
it is days like this where i wish i could collapse into a mess without being noticed.
without being heard.
i wish i was invisible, but the times i actually am i feel like i did something wrong.
are these words your cradle
are these words your insanity
these sentences that are strewn together with such delicacy.
people come and go like life is an intersection with only passing cars
it is days like these that i wish i had somebody again
i cannot seem to find the courage to keep going whilst i am alone
there is a constant cloud of pain that hangs over my head
my zombie like features show much more than they used to
a flushed face
a forced walk
a limp body
the tired eyes
these days all i see are blackened daises in a field of dead grass
everything is grey again
the marbled and polished stature of some people i just don't get
i see them and they are the people i aspire to be
the v.i.ps
the populars
the cute ones
to slip away from reality
it is all i want
maybe just for a second
to go numb
to be vacant
to not exist
i do not brag about how many drugs i have had
or how much alcohol i have drank
nor how many days I've missed school
or how low my grades are
and yet,
for some reason people think they deserve a medal for bragging about how much of a "fucked up" life they've had
sometimes i regret my choices
and you know
maybe ill never be the person people want
it may not be ok
but it's life
and if i am honest
sometimes life is the worst
today there's no other lesson.
