The Fault in Our Stars: Second Chances

I

I sat idly on the cold, wooden floor of my bedroom. I was silently reminiscing all that had happened this year. A lot of time had passed since Gus died and although I couldn't stop thinking about past memories, I seldom thought about Gus himself. The memories were too painful.

Winter was coming as fast as it possibly could and the weather was getting colder and colder; making it easier for me to breathe on my own. Mom said I didn't have to wear my tubes as much as I used to, and the doctors approved of it. I only wore them when I absolutely needed the extra help.

I caught my mind wandering aimlessly about when finally I flashed back to reality and heard my mom calling me from the kitchen,

"Hazel, the phone is for you!"

I lightly pulled my frail body up off the floor and guided myself to the kitchen.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Patrick...from support group-"

"Mom, I know who Patrick is," I cut her off, "what does he want?"

Instead of answering, she handed the phone over to me. Before taking it, I wondered why Patrick would be calling. I hadn't even stepped foot into the church since Gus' pre-funeral.

"Hello Patrick, this is Hazel."

"Hi Hazel, can I speak with your mother, please?"

I nodded and handed the phone back to mom and quietly whispered "It's for you!"

She put the phone on speaker so I could listen in. Patrick told mom about how he had met a girl on his vacation and how they fell in love and were getting married. It was possibly one of the cheesiest stories I had ever acknowledged, but I was happy for Patrick. He deserved to find love.

"I was wondering if maybe you would take over my spot in support group. With everything happening so all-of-the-sudden, I won't have enough time for it. These kids need someone like you who can be there for them."

Mom stared at me with the biggest smile on her face. She looked happy; she hasn't looked this happy since...well, since she was last happy about something.

"I would be honored to, Patrick."

They talked a little longer than I expected, after that, but I wasn't too surprised, mom seemed really excited about this.


•••


My phone buzzed; waking me up from my afternoon nap. I had a new message from Kaitlyn,

I need your opinion on a dress!

I texted back,

Send a picture?

Almost immediately after, she replied,

No silly, come to the mall. I'm at Charlie's!

I really did need to get out of the house more often. Lately, all I did was stay at home with mom all day, reading or just thinking.

"Mom, can I go to the mall with Kaitlyn?" I asked looking over the railing that separated the living room couch; where I was lying, and the kitchen; where mom was preparing dinner.

"Sure Hazel, I made a list; it's on the coffee table, can you stop by the store afterwards?"

I grabbed the list from the table and looked it over: milk, butter, eggs, and cookie dough.

"You're making cookies?" I asked.

"To celebrate!" I then remembered her conversation with Patrick earlier, she really was excited for this.

I grabbed my phone and texted Kaitlyn back,

I'll be there in 5 minutes :)

I went to my room and changed my clothes, said goodbye to mom, gathered my keys, moms list, and my purse, then left.

By the time I arrived at Charlie's, Kaitlyn had been waiting far too long.

"I'm so sorry!" I told her, but she denied my apology.

"It's totally fine Hazel, I'm just glad you're here!"

"So, where is the dress?" I asked.

"Um, I didn't actually pick one out yet," she half smiled, "You're going to help me pick one!"

"What is it for?" I asked out of curiosity.

"You didn't hear? I assumed you had. I thought maybe you just didn't have the strength to come, you know; after Augustus and all." She went on.

"I'm confused."

"There's this formal Christmas party coming up, Hazel! Everyone I know is going! Two weeks ago, Mr. Robbin passed around an invitational sign-up sheet and I'm ninety-nine percent sure I put your name on it, did you not receive an invitation in the mail?"

"Oh my god. My mom was telling me something about an invitation, I think she put it in my dads home-office."

"Would you consider coming?" She asks. I pondered the thought for a while. Was I ready for something like this? I hadn't left my house in weeks, let alone spend time with anyone.

"Well, I would have to talk to my parents about it, you know how they are." I replied.

Kaitlyn basically convinced me right away, that it was going to be amazing. She headed the decorating committee, and if you know anything at all about Kaitlyn; she's a perfectionist. Everything she is a part of has to be perfectly put together and completely organized.

"What do you think about this one?" she asks holding up a short, wide, puffy, black dress with golden sparkles lining the sides.

"It's gorgeous, Kaitlyn! I love it!" I smiled.

Kaitlyn got a dressing room and tried the dress on. It looked amazing on her; to be honest, anything she wears looks amazing on her, but this...this is simply beautiful.

"You have to get it!" I told her.

"You really like it that much?"

"Yes! Its perfect! Oh my god, Kaitlyn you have to buy this dress!"

She stared at me surprised. I haven't got this excited about anything in a long time.

"Hmm, I don't know Hazel. I think I'm just gonna go with this one," she replied holding up a blue and pink, laced dress, covered in silver sparkles, "It's cute, don't ya think?" she asks, expecting an answer.

"Yeah, I guess." I half frowned. I don't really know why, but I really liked the black dress.

After Kaitlyn bought the blue and pink dress, she took me to Starbucks and treated me to a white chocolate caramel mocha. We talked for awhile about how school was going. She told me more and more about the party, she was really convincing me that I should go.

"I'm sure your parents will say yes. Why wouldn't they?"

"I don't know Kaitlyn," I cleared my throat, "My mom-"

My mom. I just remembered that I was supposed to get some things for her at the store.

"What about her?" Kaitlyn asked.

"I have to go, like now, I'm so sorry. I honestly forgot! Thank you so much for today!"

She understood and nodded. "Text me later, bye Hazel!"

I waved goodbye and left the mall.


•••


"I'm home, mom," I assured her as I opened the front door, "Sorry it took so long, me and Kaitlyn got so caught up in shopping and I just forgot."

"It's perfectly fine, Hazel. I'm glad you enjoyed your day!"

I brought mom the two bags containing milk, butter, eggs, and cookie dough. "I also picked up some chocolate chips for the cookies." I told her.

"Thank you, Hazel. I ordered food from the new Chinese restaurant in town," she pointed to the kitchen table; she had two plates set out. "I'll join you in a minute."

She told me about her day and everything that happened while I was gone as she put the groceries away. She told me that dad was going to be coming home late and that was the reason she ordered food instead of making something,

"Are you coming with me to support group, tonight? Patrick is announcing his resignation and I'm gaining full leadership." She asks as she sat down across from me at the table.

"Of course! I wouldn't miss it." I smiled, but deep down inside, I didn't want to go back.

Before long, mom was finished eating. I couldn't eat, I was thinking about support group. The memories haunted me. Support group was where I met Gus for the first time. My last memory of support group was Gus' pre-funeral. Almost all of my support group memories are of Augustus Waters.

Isaac still attended faithfully, but only because his mother forced him too, he honestly had no alternative choice. He went where his mom took him.

The doorbell rang and broke the awkward silence between me and mom,

"I'll get it." I told her.

I scooted out from the table and mom picked up our plates and took them to the kitchen sink. I walked through the living room, over to the front door. I opened it slowly to reveal Kaitlyn.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, as she entered the house.

"I texted you but not even a second later, I realized that you didn't have your phone-"

"I have my phone," I giggled reaching for my back pocket, only to find that it wasn't there.

"I know you don't have it, Hazel, because I have it. You left it on the table at Starbucks when you left in a hurry." She pulled the phone out of her purse and handed it over to me.

"Thank you so much!" I hugged her and she returned the hug. It was almost weird; not that I was hugging Kaitlyn and she was hugging me, it was weird because I hadn't hugged anyone in such a long time. I guess I just forgot the warm feeling of a friendly hug.

Mom acknowledged us for the first time when she peeked her head out of the kitchen,

"Hello Kaitlyn, how are you?" mom said.

"I'm good, Mrs. Lancaster! I was just bringing Hazel's phone to her, she forgot it at the mall."

"That was very sweet of you, Kaitlyn, thank you!" Mom carried on, washing the few dishes left in the sink from the dinner we had just ate.

I guided Kaitlyn over to the couch and we both sat down,

"It's been so long since I've been here, it's changed so much." Kaitlyn looked around the living room.

She was right, it's been quite a long time. The last time she was here was when I was thirteen. She was also right about all the changes. Mom often rearranged the house when she had free-time.

"I miss spending time with you, Hazel. We should get together more often," she smiled, "Today was really fun!"

"Thanks for inviting me. I had fun too. It was exactly what I needed."

We carried on talking about nothing really important; she told me that her mom was on a business trip and wouldn't be home for three days, and that her father was also away.

Mom was upstairs getting ready for support group. I could tell she was really looking forward to taking over. She came downstairs and told me it was time to go,

"Hazel, support group starts in an hour and I don't want to be late."

"You still go to support group?" Kaitlyn asked.

"I haven't been in a while," I told her, "My mom is taking over tonight, she's going to be the new leader!"

"Can I come with you tonight? If I go home I'll just be wasting time sitting around and my parents aren't home, so they won't care."

"That would be great!" I told her.

After mom was sure she was perfectly prepared, we; mom, Kaitlyn, and I, left for support group.



•••


When we arrived, Patrick greeted us at the door, along with his soon-to-be wife. Patrick introduced us to her,

"Mrs. Lancaster, Hazel, and-"

"This is my friend Kaitlyn!" I told him.

"Hi Kaitlyn, this is my fiancé Samantha."

Samantha waved at us and smiled; she was beautiful.

We entered the church and walked down the stairs. To my surprise, there was a lot more people there than I remember. I immediately noticed Isaac sitting alone with his favorite pair of sunglasses on; he wore them to Gus' funeral, he stood out, it seemed as if Kaitlyn noticed him too.

"Who is that?" She whispered pointing towards Isaac.

"That's Isaac-"

"The one who introduced you to Gus, yes, I remember you saying something about him," She cut me off and continued staring at Isaac. "Why is he wearing-"

"Sunglasses. He's blind, Kaitlyn." She turned her attention off of Isaac and looked at me as if she didn't believe it.

"But he's...he's gorgeous." She replied.

I laughed,

"Not shallow at all, I see."

Patrick stood up on a chair and snapped his fingers several times to get everyone's attention,

"Good evening, everyone. Thank you all for coming out tonight, on my last night of support group." Everyone began clapping for him and me and Kaitlyn hurried over to sit down beside Isaac.

"Hey, it's Hazel." I whispered over to him.

"Hello Hazel, who is with you?" he asked.

"But-but how-"

"You know how people always say, when you lose one sense, you gain a little extra in all of your other senses; I heard two sets of footsteps."

His observations were correct.

"This is Kaitlyn." I told him.

"Hello Kaitlyn, my name is Isaac, I'm blind."

Kaitlyn giggled and blushed, "I kinda figured, it's nice to meet you, Isaac!"

We turned our attention back to Patrick as he introduced the group to mom,

"This is Mrs. Lancaster; she will be leading the group from now on. Can everyone please arrange your seats into a circle so we can begin?"

I stood up a grabbed mine and Isaac's chair; Kaitlyn supported Isaac as he became unstable and almost fell over because he had nothing to hold on to. She guided Isaac over as I slid our three chairs into the circle that the remaining members of the group had already arranged.

We all sat down, along with Patrick and Samantha; the only person still standing was mom.

She had us all introduce ourselves as we normally did with Patrick, only she didn't introduce herself and burden us all with a pity story like Patrick always did. When the circle reached Isaac, Kaitlyn let him know it was his turn. Instead of standing up he remained seated and introduced himself to the group in which he couldn't see.

Afterwards was Kaitlyns turn; she didn't quite understand what she was supposed to say, but she managed,

"Hi...I-I'm Kaitlyn, friend of Hazel Lancaster," I assume she thought everyone knew me, but in reality, no one actually knew who Hazel Lancaster was. "I'm just here to support her and her mother, that-that's it." Kaitlyn sat down and turned to me.

I didn't want to introduce myself; Kaitlyn basically just did the job for me.

I looked to the right of me, a young boy; maybe a year or two older than me, was sitting in the chair staring at the ceiling.

"Go ahead." I smiled; to insure that he knew I was talking to him, I placed my hand on his right leg, only to find that it wasn't his leg; it was a stump. He looked at my-now blood red face, nodded and aimlessly stood up.

"The name's Alexander Williams, Osteosarcoma, right leg amputee. I'm perfectly fine though; my mom forces me to come every week because she thinks I need friends. I don't. It's complete bullshit, ya know, coming here all the time. I just want to be alone. Okay?"

Although Isaac couldn't actually see my face, he was staring over my way. He knew, I knew, we all knew.

His little speech brought back far too many memories to my knowledge. Ones in which I didn't ask for, or want, or need. I didn't need this. I didn't need another Augustus; I didn't need a remembrance of him, I was reminded far too often that he was gone and that I would never get him back.