The Fault in Our Stars: Second Chances

VI

According to Kaitlyn, last night was the best night of her life. I was suffering from an extreme headache.

Zander never made mention of his stay in the basement, I guess he's still sleeping or he got up early and left.  

Mom was making breakfast, and dad was reading in the loft. I tried, but after Gus passed, it's been far too hard to read what was once my favorite book. 

I flipped the switch on my BiPap, and breathed in a huge puff of air.

I thought I was getting better at living, I mean, I haven't been to the hospital in awhile. Maybe it's because I'm scared they'll only remind me that I'm dying, or because now, Gus won't be there to hold my hand through it. 

On some days, I feel fine; full of energy, full of life. But deep down, I know my time is coming soon, I can feel it in my bones.

"Hazel." Almost every morning started like this. Mom calling me from the kitchen after she prepares a meal filled with vegetables and nasty, distasteful foods I would never eat if she didn't make me.

I was forced to eat them though, for if I didn't, mom would probably force me to see my doctor.

The distasteful foods didn't seem to be as distateful as I remembered them to be.

"How was the wedding?" I spoke up.

"It was nice. Patrick is really happy, and Samantha is great. They're thinking about adopting!"

"Aw, Patrick would be a good father." 

She nodded and picked up my plate, just after I finished eating.

"Alexander was supposed to join us, but he never showed up." She assured me.

"What? Did he call?"

"No, you haven't heard from him?"

"We never really talked," I lied.

I couldn't help but wonder about Zander. What if something bad happened to him?

I stood up to dismiss myself. A wave of pain hit me hard.

My head began to pound. Stop thinking, Hazel. Calm yourself down. 

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to breathe in, but nothing happened. My lungs swelled up. My heart was beating harder than it ever had.

Mom was too busy washing the dishes, that she hardly noticed my incapability to breathe. 

I tried getting her attention by pounding on the kitchen table, but she still didn't notice.

My eyes were swelling shut and me being unable to breathe was just making it a million times worse. It soon got to the point where I couldn't even stand. I fell to the ground. The large thump caused mom to finally realized the problem that was occuring. I closed my eyes as she ran to my side, my vision blurred as I tried to open my eyes. Mom was talking but I couldn't hear a single word. I couldn't hear anything.

Is this how it felt to die? Was it finally my time? I thought I had until Christmas, at least.

The pain worsened as dad and mom lifted my body of the ground and onto the ambulance stretcher that had just arrived.

I could feel it, the pain was to the point where I didn't think it could ever get better from here.

My time is now. My life is ending before my eyes and all I can think about is Zander.

I was done fighting it, I let myself go. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>