From the Beginning Again

The Real Beginning

The noises and voices swam around my head, coming closer and closer, slowly but surely suffocating me until the weight on my chest got too heavy and breathing got too rapid. I had to get out. I had to get out. The words stuck in the glue that is my brain and repeated as though they were my personal mantra, which they indeed were not. That title went to things like "well at least you're still alive", but in this moment, maybe that wasn't such a good thing.

Here we go again. I can't even seem to get one sentence out without getting sidetracked and distracted. I know this is probably really confusing to you and I'm not doing it any justice with these constant interruptions. Just let me try. Where were we...

Oh yes, me having a total freak out. Continuing: I couldn't tell you what was wrong. Frankly, I didn't know myself. I just know that sometimes the world gets too much and my brain gets too full of the things surrounding me. That's when things like this happen. It gets hard to breathe, my brain stops focusing, and I start to feel a mixture of wanting to punch everyone in the face, wanting to cry, or throw myself out the nearest window. Fortunately, the latter one has never happened, but the window in this second floor science classroom was starting to look really appealing at this point. Finally, I gave in to what I consider a compromise, but my therapist and the school principal would later say it was nothing of the sort.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I stood up from my desk and slammed my hand against the wooden surface. The teacher's marker clinked on the ground and a girl shrieked. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I waved my arms frantically and I'm sure I looked like a madman.

I'm just warning you now, unless you want to read about the lowest moment of my life, I would consider turning back now. You know, reread a few things, imagine a perfect life of perfect people who have absolute stability in all aspects of their lives. Wouldn't that be a treat? I trust that if you haven't stopped reading yet, you probably won't now, so I continue.

Then I went off on everyone in that classroom that was making at least some amount of noise, from who I considered the worst offenders to those whose transgressions could have possibly been overlooked. "You!" I pointed to the kid sitting next to me. "Can you stop chewing on your fucking fingernails? For God's sake, I shouldn't be able to hear your gross ass mouth noises!

"And you, little Ms. Britney Addams, who seems to be so flipping perfect." I made fun of her squeaky voice. "I literally saw you take a booger out of your nose and shove it into your mouth. And guess what? I COULD ALSO HEAR YOUR MOTHER FUCKING TONGUE AS YOU ATE YOUR OWN FUCKING BOOGER! YOU'RE LITERALLY CONSUMING MUCUS AND DIRT YOU CRAZY SICKO! How would Mr. Quarterback feel that his dainty girlfriend was not only a hoe, but a gross one too, huh?" okay, maybe that was really childish. Okay, all of this is super childish but in my defense, high schoolers aren't known to be super mature.

"Oh, and let't not forget Ms. Warner, the drastically underqualified teacher, who somehow managed to get the job as a teacher at this so-called 'rich kid school' where, coincidentally, your pay is at least double what it was before. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that your breath smells like dick, but you, know that's none of my business. AT LEAST IT WOULDN'T IF YOU AT LEAST KNEW HOW TO TEACH AND YOUR VOICE WASN'T LIKE DICK SCENTED SANDPAPER!" I went off like this for at least 15 more minutes, causing 3 people to start crying and others to just sit there in shock. My closing statement was as eloquent as my speech, if you remember that at the time I was a 16 year old boy. It went a little something like this: "So fuck you all and fuck this school because the day that I willingly return to this hellhole, is going to be the day I die." Or at least the day my probation officer tells me I have to not only come back to this school, but also stay extra hours to get some of my community service done, but that's not yet.

With those last words, I heaved something heavy at the window (I can't remember what it was, at this time), shattering it instantly where I then proceeded to jump out of, completing the last thing on my list. Again, childish and over dramatic, because who the hell decides to jump out a window. That is some next level shit, right there.

Fortunately, I didn't die that day, Unbeknownst to me, the second floor didn't cover all of the first floor in all places, so I ended up just jumping onto the lower roof surviving with a slightly broken tibia (In the words of my doctor. It still hurt like a bitch, though).

After the lovely people of the local police and fire department, combined with the efforts of our very own Mr. Gobble, the resource officer, managed to get me off the roof where I was then rushed to the hospital, I was delivered the news that I was to be suspended from school indefinitely. Additionally, I had to go through this long court process because of destruction of property and yada yada yada, and I had to have a probation officer for a while along with court ordered therapy, mandatory volunteer hours, and anger management courses.

You might be wondering how any of this relates to Elaina, but I'm getting there. Be patient. I know you're eager for this to pass right on by, but trust me. By the time this story is over you'll be wishing that time would've passed just a little slower.

Look at me being all cryptic and dramatic. This, children, is how you build suspense.