My Bestfriend, Harry Styles

Chapter 12

Tara's POV:

It's such a stupid question, in my opinion. I mean, how do you know what you're going to do, until you do it? The answer is: you don't. I think I will, but how do I know? I swear it's a stupid question. No matter how many plans you make, or how in control you think you are, life is always winging it. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, and it's definitely full of surprises.

I wanted to think about things other than love. Yet my free thoughts seem more adhered to my heart than to my head. A battle I never thought was worth fighting.

I've become so used to him. So incredibly close to him on all sorts of levels. I never saw the problem with our relationship. I figured we'd continue on this road, supporting one another. We've grown used to one another being a part of our lives. I had enough confidence to try, because when I fell, he would always catch me. Since he has always caught me, piece by piece he's ended up carrying my heart around with him wherever he goes. My heart's learnt to trust this unsuspecting body, allowing him control, liking the predictabilities of our friendship..

Relationships... now that's a weird one. Most people go through the usual malarkey: introduction, attraction, relationship, love, trust. Even weirder now is the relationship I'm invested in. Trust. It's a fundamental part of our friendship. We don't lie to each other. However, after that kiss, I suddenly feel like we've skipped years worth of dating. We've skipped all the years of lying, cheating, flirting, buying flowers and chocolates.

Why the hell did I provoke him? It's a stupid question in my opinion. I mean, how do you know what you're going to do until you do it?

Subconsciously I knew our relationship had been changing. Now I look back at it, I should have seen the signs. I mean, it's not like guys following me is a foreign concept to me. I should have begun to notice the changes in his attitude. How he hated when I talked of other guys and girls, how his eyes darkened looking at me in that towel... his general possessiveness. I should have noticed how he gave in to what I wanted more frequently, how he was more sensitive to our sexual game...

In hindsight, I probably should have noticed this earlier.

So we come to where I am at the moment, sitting silently on a bench as of twenty minutes ago, being tortured by thoughts of what just happened, not getting anywhere.

My skin is still scorched from where his hands whispered over, burning from where he'd held me close to him. Don't even get me started on my lips. 

Slowly I slow my fingertips to once again trail over my lips, where his had touched mine. My lips were now beginning to dry out from the continual tracing of them from my fingers. The heat when they'd touched his had been like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I was greedy and wanted more: but that desperation for him alone had dissuaded me from it. I'd been entranced by him and his body, submitting to whatever he'd wanted. Never had I thought it would be that way round... He apparently had more control than me, for after we'd been locked together for God knows how long, he'd torn himself back, shock eminent on his features, his wide dark eyes staring desperately down at me. We stayed like that for a bit, him just looking at me, until finally I registered what we'd just done and my eyes widened with disbelief. It had taken less than a second for his emotions to alter, immediately staring at me pleadingly, begging for forgiveness. It aggravated me. What had he done? Nothing. It had been all my fault. I provoked him. His strong arms had buckled, trapping me in with his body.

'Tara, please, dear God please don't go now!' Harry begs me, caging me in, but being careful not to touch me too much. 'Tar, please, I'm sorry. Please say something! Oh my God I'm sorry Tar! I shouldn't have done it, you weren't ready, but you just... just you in general...' he catches my eyes again 'Please Tar, listen to me hun. Respond God damn it!' He rages, slowly losing control.