Daddy issues » lrh [ON HOLD]

Zero

Once I was two years old, my mom had taken me to a nursery down the street where I stayed for five hours each day, playing with anyone who was willing to play with me and not having a care in the world about anything.

We'd sit and laugh and play, innocently, our minds not capable of doing anything but to sit and play. Half of us couldn't even speak many words, but somehow we managed to communicate through our language that drifted as we grew.

There was this one boy in the group, who sat beside me most of the day. His bright hazel eyes staring at me pleadingly on attempts of making me play with him. I always did, I couldn't just turn him away when his eyes teared up and a small pout formed on his face.

Normally it was just me and him, and we'd both say, in the language that adults wouldn't understand – spit and snot spread across our pale faces – that we'd never want to leave, that this was our safe haven.

We never wanted to go back home to our families, we wanted to be in each other's company but that always ended when our mothers came to pick us up at the end of the day, their tired faces lighting up when they caught sight of their children.

"Ashton?" A woman called, pushing her way through the crowd of moms and looking around the room for the curly haired boy known to be her son.

Ashton stood up beside me and pouted at his mom who came rushing over, she didn't even look at me.

"But I wanna stay here?" His lip trembled and his small foot stomped against the carpeted floor.

"Not now Ash, its been a busy day and I'm tired." His mom sighed, reaching down and picking the small boy up in her arms.

Then they left, Ashton had looked behind him just as he existed the room and smiled a big smile at me, dimples and everything, and then he was gone, and so was my safe haven.

My mom came and picked me up after, later than usual with a small glint in her eyes that told me she was hardly in the mood, but she just smiled when she saw me and picked me up into her strong arms and carried me out. Ashton had already gone so there was no point in saying bye to anyone else.

She placed me in the back of the small car that we owned and headed down to the park, where we would go everyday to have some mother and daughter time.

It was my favourite part of the day to be honest, we would sit on the swings and eat ice cream and talk about nothing in particular. I would scream when she would push me too high on the swing and whine when she pushed me too low, she would just chuckle behind me and shake her head, stopping what she was doing and pulling me out.

"Come on, we've got to get daddy." She would smile, but it wasn't sincere. I didn't think anything of it being two, I just jumped up in happiness at the mention of him.

By the time I was eight, I began to hate boys. They were always those big headed things that would look down on you and then walk away like you didn't even exist seconds later.

They would yell cooties at you and run away, they would embarrass you in front of the whole playground and leave you standing there close to tears, your lip trembling and several eyes staring at you like you were some sort of disease.

The only friend I had back then was Ashton, he was the only person who actually understood me and knew what I was going through, he tried to help me in every way that he possibly could, despite the fact he was nine, he still managed to help me through the problems back at home and the problems in school, I just wished I could do the same for him.