Suicidal tendencies (Joshler) (not edited)

Chapter six - exsanguination

"Death is the only salvation you'll feel..."

Tyler found Josh, found him swimming in vile blood with a pungent stench of death lingering in the air and an overflow of tears. He remembers standing their frozen, trembling hands covered in blood and begging for Josh to wake up, or for himself to wake up from this awful situation that must be a dream.

Only it is of course not a dream and in the present Tyler is sat in an uncomfortable plastic chair in a hospital waiting room, foot tapping nervously against the tiled floor and eyes barely managing to stay open. Around him blue uniformed nurses and doctors are rushing about, panic etched on everyone's faces as they call people's names and complete their overworked lives. There are others in the waiting room too, but not many as it's so late at night. Opposite Tyler is a mother holding the hand of a child that looks shell shocked with a cut lip matching the almost ripped bow on her forehead and theres a few people behind him he cannot see nor be bothered making any effort to look at - his main focus is honestly the tapping of his foot, he needs it to placate himself.

Eventually, Tyler is allowed to go see Josh and immediately jumps up from his chair, hesitating slightly before following a nurse to Josh's room - the hesitation is because he's not sure if he's mentally ready to see Josh. There's another brief pause outside the patients room before he buries all of his grief and anger before gently knocking on the door and entering the room. Josh is there, he looks so very indescribably terrible with blood spotted bandages up his forearms and big, innocent yet tired eyes staring at Tyler. Tyler avoids his gaze, going over to stand next to the bed and trying to ignore the smell of antibiotics and plastic.

"Hey." Josh whispers, twisting his hands together nervously on his lap. Tyler's, frowns, letting out an exasperated sigh because, really? He tried to die and all he can says is "hey.". Tyler can't help but feel anger overtake his mind and his features because, as much as he promised himself he would never react in the way he did last time people cannot just change their personality and he cannot change his stubborn emotions.

"Is that it?" Tyler snaps, the words coming out harsher than initially intended but, like a super villain when their plan fails, he cannot bring himself to regret anything. He's angry, furious even, he's giving up on Josh slowly - it seems trying to save him is like trying to stop ice melting outside during a heat wave.

"Well... I just... I don't know what I'm supposed to say." He manages to get out, shrinking under Tyler's harsh glare as a mouse shrinks away from a cat baring its claws and teeth. This is what happened when Tyler found the note, Josh was stupid to think Tyler would have a different reaction when something even worse occurs.

"Maybe, oh I don't know, you could start with sorry. You put me through hell!" He's yelling louder than the laughter of a mad man and knows he's being completely irrational and this isn't what Josh deserves - Josh, who is in hospital with a sick mind and sick body. But he can't help himself, he can't control his emotions, maybe this is his fault?

"Sorry." Josh's voice is so quiet it can barely even be heard over Tyler's heavy breathing, but, he still said it, although, as Tyler continues it seems it matters just about as much as the discarded items in a dustbin.

"It doesn't mean anything though... you... you just... I can't save you and it's ruining me. You are a noose and I need you to unwrap yourself from my neck. You are poison and I need to drink the antidote. You are water I can't swim in. You are my terminal illness. You are the toxic person I loved." He stutters out, sounding as broken as a glass thrown at a brick wall yet also confident and sure of what he is saying and to Josh it feels like he was stood in front of the brick wall when Tyler hurled glass at it. Tyler could swear he didn't mean "loved." to be in past tense - they're both toxic.

"I-I-" josh begins, not even seeming able to form a single thought in his head as tears cascade down his face and a hurricane blocks off happiness and rational thinking. He knows he ruined his own life, he didn't know he ruined Tyler's.

"I don't care what you have to say." Tyler's says and Josh snaps he mouth shut, sniffling and trying ever so hard not to continue with this overflow of pathetic tears - the effort is meaningless.

"I need some time." And just like that Tyler's gone. And just like that Josh unwraps the blood stained bandages off his damaged forearms and pulls out the stitches like he's decapitating a doll by pulling out the thread attaching the head to the lifeless body. Living things can't survive without a head but dolls aren't alive in the first place.

What did you expect to happen? Don't you know you can't fix the broken?

897 words,

THE END

I have made so many references to dolls in this (oops).

Thanks for reading xxx