Behind The Uniform

The Choices We Make

New year came and went. I started back school and my mother's funeral would fall the week after. I hadn't know what to do in the morning but Ross had shown up at the usual time on his bike. I had to wonder if some things might actually stay the same.

"Morning." He said to me, smiling.

I gave a weak smile back, I was unsure of what to do. "Hi, I haven't seen you for a while." I said.

Ross's smile dropped. "It's been a bit of a busy Christmas. I thought you might want time after you know. I wish I could have been there." He looked at the ground. "She was like a mum to me." 

She had left us all and had broken more than one of us. What was I supposed to feel? Even Ross had felt it and it had changed him.

"I know. I'm sorry." I apologized, I wanted him to know that I meant it. 

"It doesn't matter, now come we're going to be late!" I headed onto the back of Ross's bike and on we went to school. The winter was now in full swing and the wind bitter and cold. I was dressed in head to toe with a hat and scarf. Teal had made a fuss making sure that I was warm enough. We arrived at school within good time and Susie was waiting for us at the gate. When she saw me, she looked sad.

"I'm sorry about your mum. It's horrible." She looked at the floor.

"Thank you Susie." I said back, feeling a bit awkward. This was the first time Susie had ever addressed me first instead of Ross.

"It must have been horrible. Ross said she was ill but it was better for her to go right? SHe wouldn't be struggling so much. You should be happy, she's not in pain. So you should put a smile on your face."

I stepped back shaking my head. This was the side of Susie that I loathed and Ross had told her that my mum was ill? I grew angry again at Ross but he appeared out of nowhere and Susie talked to him like nothing had happened between us. They walked together and I stayed behind unsure of what had happened.

As the day progressed, countless people came up to me saying how sorry they were about my mother but were they really sorry? They hadn't known about her, I had to wonder if they did know her. All these people pretending that they knew her and me and how sorry I was. I began to get sick of it and when it was time for my science lesson, I was relieved at seeing a familiar face.

"Leah." I said sitting down and getting my pencil case out of my bag.

"Hi Jamie, are you okay?" She asked, knowing not to touch on my mum's death.

"I've been better." I said. "Somehow the whole school knows."

"That's because of my sister. Ross mentioned one thing to her and she goes to tell the whole school. I don't know what he sees in her."

"I know about your relationship with him." I blurted out.

"I already knew. It seemed like you knew all these past few months but you never wanted to bring it up. It's okay. My sister seemed to like spewing other people's secrets."

I looked at her with a smile. "You really miss her don't you?" 

I nodded my head and felt tears rising. Of course I missed her. I couldn't stop them coming so I stood up and quickly left the classroom. Luckily the teacher hadn't arrived yet and there wasn't many people in the corridor so I tried to wipe my face with my sleeve.

Leah came quickly after me looking sad. "I'm sorry, Jamie. I didn't mean it."

"No. You've been kinder than everyone else. Even Ross hasn't mentioned it."

She passed me a tissue and blew on it. 

"I haven't seen him all of the summer and then he shows up this morning on his bike like nothing had happened. I said some things when my mum died, he didn't make it to her death and I said some horrible things before that. I thought he would never forgive me. I don't even know if he has." I sighed. "I suppose I need to make it up to him. I'll have to get Teal to give us lifts if it's raining, that might start something of a friendship again."