Behind The Uniform

Heavy Winter

My mother didn't wake up for another three or four days but when she did. We all surrounded her, looking at her with pleasing eyes. We hadn't been to school of all this week but Ross's parents had phone in to explain what had happened. Annabelle had gone to school but she kept coming back. The two of them seemed to have forgiven me for what I said to them but there were still an odd silence that had nudged itself between Ross and I. I didn't know what to think about it, maybe I was just imaging it.

When my mother did wake up, I was holding Annabelle's hand and my mother's. My mother's hand was still so cold to to the touch.

"Jamie?" My mum asked as she stirred. Her skin was milk bottle, her eyes like a bruise. I had never seen her look like that before and it scared me.

"Yes Mum, it's me." She slowly began to sat around and looked at everyone. 

"Where are we?" She looked around and suddenly noticed the hospital bed. 

"You coughed up blood. The nurse said your lungs were failing you. If it wasn't for Ross and Jamie, you wouldn't be here." Annabelle filled in the blanks. 

"I don't remember." My mother whispered. She looked like she was in pain.

"You don't remember what?" I asked.

"Throwing up blood, the last thing I remember is saying goodnight to you Jamie. I can't believe this." My mother sighed and flopped back down on the pillow.

"Be careful Mum, you might hurt yourself."

She gave a weak smile. "I'm not going to break. I'm not made out of china." 

"You could have fooled me," I joked. "I've been so worried about you. You didn't wake up for four days. I thought you were going to die."

My mum didn't smile. "Oh Jamie, don't worry so much. I'm still here, aren't I? You haven't been to school these past couple of days have you?"

"How could I when you were like this? I didn't want to miss when you woke up. Looks like it was worth it."

"You should put things first instead of me. I don't matter anymore."

"How could you say that Mum? You're the most important thing to me." I said. Annabelle and Ross had gone over to the corner and were talking by the window. They had given my mum and me some space.

"Jamie, you're never going to be able to put that behind you are you? You're still so worried about me. I want you to move on from me."

"How can I after everything's happened? You haven't moved on either."

"What do you mean?" My mum looked scared.

"When we thought you were going to wake up the first time. You kept calling me Leon. You thought I was him and you told me that you loved me. All these years, you've still in love with that man. That man who left us to rot." I turned away from my mum, wanting to spit on the ground. 

My mum reached out her hand pulled my head back to her.

"I don't remember but I will tell you this. I've always loved your father, I forgiven him for what he did. I would want answers but I've always been in love with him. Those feelings just won't go away."

"I wish they would. I know it's selfish but that man isn't my father. He never was."

"Oh Jamie. He was, he still is. Listen to me, if I die I want you to do something for me."

"You're not going to die." I snapped, why was she so obsessed with the thought of dying? Why couldn't she just live. 

"I don't know that. My body is betraying me, Jamie. Maybe this chest infection is the end but for now I want you to promise me that," She coughed a little before carrying on. "That if I die, you will find your father. Talk to him. He'll be the only family you have left."