Stars In Your Eyes

5 | Last

Three knocks. Four, five.

Ring the doorbell then knock some more. Kei had been standing for about    half an hour but no one was getting the door. It was the third day Yamaguchi hadn't shown up in school. His teammates were all worried and even the school tried to reach his parents but with no luck, they are both  outside the country having business trips.

"Tadashi, open up." Yamaguchi heard his lame attempt to call for him on the other side of the door. His back lay flat on the floor doing his best not to open the locks just to his face but his voice is too much for him. Tears ran down to the sides of his face as he tried to swallow down all the emotions welling up in his chest.

"Tsukki..."he whispers. It felt good to say it again, it felt like it belonged to him all this time. "Tsukki... Tsukki... Tsukki"

"Stop hiding."Kei says his voice sad. Tadashi's chest tightened much so he couldn't even breathe. With slow and measured movements,removed the latch of the door bracing himself for the view on the other side.

Kei. It had just been days he didn't see him but it felt like years and the image of him in his mind didn't do any justice. The real thing is a million times better and the look from his eyes alone can be the death of him.

Yamaguchi stood at the door looking so different. Everything is a mess, his hair, his shirt, the look in his eyes which are red and puffy as if he'd been crying them out.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kei sounded angry, maybe he is. Yamaguchi cannot confess an answer near the truth.

In Kei's eyes, he sees his best friend going through a tough time, depressed and broken. What Yamaguchi sees in front him was the boy who can chain him in place with just one look, the boy who can make him give everything up with just one call of his name. He had feelings for his best friend, more than necessary and admitting that seemed like suicide. Yamaguchi knows he must not say it out loud, he must not even accept it to himself because doing so would betray their friendship, he would betray Kei.

It felt as if his heart is eating itself when he thinks of what he must do.

He wanted to say a million things to him but he's still trying to find excuses. "Why are you here?" Yamaguchi asks expecting an answer that could stop him from his decision to leave.

It was cold, so was Kei's eyes. "Stop it with this crap Yamaguchi." he seemed so uninterested but the fact that he's standing in his door way says something else. "The team had been bugging me to get you so quit holing up in there and being a burden to everyone."

Burden to everyone? To you? God, it stung to bad. It took all his will not to crumple in the floor with disappointment because that's not the answer he wanted.

Until the last time Tsukki,you hold that wall up.

A bitter laugh came out of his mouth as his tears wont come seeming like he ran out of it. "Sorry Tsukki." his apology which seemed like a kick in the gut for Kei. "I'll fix it on Monday, I caught a cold lately but I'm better now."

"You should have called." Kei says hurt by the not knowing.

I wanted to. "I think my phone's broken, well you better go now it's getting late." he lied with that smile he always give to him, for the last time.

"Whatever, bye." Kei says starting on his way home. Knowing that his best friend practically lives alone due to his neglectful family and he always offered to come over to study just so Yamaguchi wouldn't feel alone. He had always tried to stay close to his friend, to try and make him feel like he have someone but somehow it felt like what he did might not have been enough.

Did he just stand by his side instead of standing with him? Was Yamaguchi doing the helping all this time? He wanted to know but he  couldn't ask because his pride won't let him.

Kei is afraid. He's afraid of making someone feel like he needs them since that would hurt more if they leave. Betrayal seemed to be a shadow lurking around him waiting waiting for a moment of happiness to ruin. 

Pick it up, pick it all up, and start again.

You've got a second chance, you could go home.

Escape it all, it's just irrelevant.

The soft melody and gentle vocals filled his hollow mind but did not soothe his troubled heart as he walked his way home.

He had always been selfish and maybe that's all he can be, even to his only friend.