Chapter 15: Hope
(Pov Lydia)
I stared at the empty clearing, my breath coming out in small white puffs.
I felt as though I was sleeping, everything around me felt numb.
"Just focus on something, anything, you can do it Lydia."
Sam was behind me, watching my progress, while Dean was out with Castiel. I was supposed to try and control my powers in this forest, but I couldn't even move a leaf.
"This is senseless." I argued, turning around.
He smiled, placing both hands on my waist, turning me around.
"Think of Dean. Of me. Something to motivate you."
I closed my eyes, willing myself to be productive.
Cold air rushed around me, making me open my eyes.
Flowers were blooming in plain December.
Sam took my hand, still having a grip on my waist, smiling "There we go."
I willed my fingertips to change the color of the roses in front of me, from white to red.
"I'm doing it. Jeez, I'm amazing." I whispered, feeling proud of myself.
I smiled to myself, allowing the flowers to keep blooming.
Crack
I spun around, looking for the source of the noise.
"What was that?" I asked, letting my concentration wander, the flowers going back to white.
I felt a pulsing ache in my temple.
"Sam. Something-something's wrong."
He nodded, though my vision was already cloudy at that point.
"Mommy"
He guided my hand, making me leave my things behind, and I could barely feel as we drove away to the bunker.
The sensation was still in my temple, unbearable.
I tried closing my eyes to numb the pain. Useless.
"Hang in there. Almost."
I nodded, feeling pain tears going down my cheeks.
Too soon, Sam was guiding me down the hallways into my bedroom.
"I'll call Dean, stay here."
I closed my eyes, letting myself rest against the pillow.
No.
"Sam!" I screamed, just as the door closed, leaving me in total darkness, Sam behind the door, fumbling with the lock.
I hadn't closed the door.
"Go call Dean. I'll be fine." I said, trying to hold down the pain on my head.
Something wasn't okay.
"Mom. Save me, mommy."
The voice of that little girl haunting me in my dreams became each time more and more prominent, as if whispered to my ear.
"Stop it." I begged at no one in particular, wanting the pain to stop.
It did.
"Wow, honey. So strong to snap out of the spell, gain your powers back."
Axel.
Though I didn't remember anything of my time in the small internship, I knew that somehow he'd been there with me, and I had no memory of it.
"What are you doing here? What do you want from me?" I whispered, my voice hoarse.
"Tell me, where's your daughter right now?"
I closed my eyes, trying to control myself.
"Dead." I replied.
"What if I told you she isn't? She's been with me, us, the whole time. And lately, she isn't very well. See, we tried to hurt her, but now she's too weak to play with." He said all of that with a small grin plastered to his face.
"Leave. Her. Alone." I stated.
"Not so fast." He snapped his fingers, making me immovable against the bed.
"Screw you." I whispered.
"I just confess how lucky Dean is. He gets to touch all of that body, gets to hear you moan. And I'm here, wishing you were all for me." Grinning.
An immense disgust took place inside my mind. Please no.
"I promise this won't take long. Actually, Lydia, if you don't scream, I'll let your daughter go."
I knew what he meant. If I screamed, Sam would come save me, but an opportunity to save my daughter would be gone.
He took small steps towards the bed, drawing closer.
"I don't want to hurt you."
I closed my eyes, willing myself to replace his voice with Dean's, trying to picture him touching me instead of Axel.
I felt his hands rooming my body, mine tensing in exchange. His breathing fast as he undid the zipper of my dress, biting his lips when the dress was on the floor.
I closed my eyes, trying to tell myself it'd be over fast.
My daughter.
He removed my bra, undoing the lace of my panties, taking my pride away.
It was all over. All hope I had before was long gone when he went inside me. I didn't want this, but I was doing it for her.
Tears streamed down my eyes while he smiled, staring down at me, trying to hold back the scream rising in my throat.
I didn't care if my memory was erased, if i lost my powers, anything could happen, but at that moment I felt dead. I didn't want to live anymore.
I had been raped. And I would stop fighting sooner or later.
-
He was gone once he was done. The door busted open minutes after, but I couldn't really move.
What do you do when everything is taken away from you? Your willingness to fight, your hope, they all flicker off, leaving you in nothing but pure darkness.
"Lydia?"
Sam stared at the scene, the bed unmade, me in a corner, naked, holding my hands in my face, trying to make him leave.
He took a few steps forward, worry all that registered in his face.
"What's wrong?"
"Don't." I whispered, I wouldn't be able to beat him to come closer. Axel's touch still lingered on my skin.
"Lydia. Tell me what happened." He was about to explode, begging me for answers.
"Axel." Was all I could whisper before sobbing against my palms again.
He stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do.
"I'm here. You're safe."
I couldn't stop crying though, small combusts leaving my body, wanting to scream. I didn't deserve this. I never asked for this.
"Sam. Sammy, he raped me." I said, staring at him through my eyelashes.
He already knew, though the hateful expression that crossed his face was brand new.
"I'm here, Lydia. I'm sorry." He took steps forward while taking of his jacket, handing it to me.
I took it, wrapping it around my shoulders, not giving a damn if he could see my breasts. Axel had seen them, what did I have left?
I swear that at that moment all I wanted was to numb the pain. A small cut on my wrists with a knife and it'd all be over.
I looked at him, tears still flooding my eyes.
"I'm not okay Sam."
He nodded, asking silently with his eyes for permission to get closer.
I barely nodded, trying to stop my sobs.
He itched closer, kneeling besides me, taking my head to rest on his shoulders, screams muffling by his shirt.
"I don't - I don't deserve this, Sammy."
A while later, what felt like an eternity, I heard footsteps upstairs.
My head was still against Sam's chest, his hands caressing my hair slowly. Every time I was alone, he was there, offering me a shelter I didn't know I had before.
I felt something evolving inside of me, but for now, it was all too much. I closed my eyes when I heard Dean's voice.
"Sam? The hell?"
I wiped my eyes with my hand, breathing deep.
I was still naked except for Sam's jacket, and I could faintly see Sam's green eyes full of tears. He never did shed one though.
"She's okay." He replied instead, not moving from me. I didn't want him to.
"Lydia. Baby, are you alright?"
He stepped closer to us, but for some reason the only person I wanted close at that moment was Sam.
"Please. Don't."
He stopped dead in his tracks, shaking his head.
A painful expression crossed his face, his shoulders slumped, looking at me with a tight jaw.
"Is it...was she- was she hurt?"
I whimpered, not being able to truly reply.
"She was raped." Sam said, staring into my eyes.
Dean nodded, stepping back an inch, staring at the floor.
When he looked up, his eyes were tearing up, his face pale, but in his eyes was a fire I had never seen before, not once.
Anger, revenge, hatred. Everything at once.
"I'm sorry." Was all he could murmur, looking at me.
I nodded, I was sorry too.
Tears left my eyes slowly, quietly, while I stared there, staying tight where I was, feeling empty.
This wasn't the life I pictured, not at all.
Since I have memory, even a few years ago, I pictured me as a successful lawyer, a mother married to a beautiful and strong man. No pain, only the future holding great promises. All of that was long gone now.
I wanted Axel to pay. For making me feel like I could trust him, then turning on me, using me, taking the things that couldn't and shouldn't be taken away from anyone.
I wanted to kill him. Make him pay, get revenge.
But I knew I wouldn't. Killing him would be too painless for him.
I'd make him pay.
For my daughter, wherever she might be or was, for Dean, crushing and tearing him apart, for Sam, making him the soldier he never wanted to be. For me, for taking my innocence away when I wasn't ready to give it up.
I stood up, feeling self conscious of Sam and Dean staring at me.
I wouldn't let him win. I'd fight. I'd burn and freeze and do anything in my power to make him see me be free, kill him with kindness.
From that day on, a fighter was born.
I wasn't Lydia Martin anymore. The girl with fake promises and a broken past, a girl who smiled even if the day was going to hell.
I turned into a girl that would never trust in anyone again, closing my heart to whomever came too close, not feeling compassion for anything anymore. A witch, the chosen, drowning on her powers.
And I'd watch the world burn, he'll collapse, no matter the cost.
Wow. Okay so this was planned since I started the fanfic and I'm so truly sorry. Anyway, I was thinking of maybe making another fanfic after I finish this one. I'll probably have this finished by the 23rd of December, and then I'll start either a stydia one, or a reign-based one. Comment what you think below 💕 love you!
