Chapter 8: Demon eyes
[Pov-Lydia]
I woke up after a while, I couldn't open my eyes though. I felt a dull ache all over my body, tried to move my hands, my legs, but every time I tried the pain was just too much.
Barely, after what seemed ages ago, I moved my hand slightly, placing it in my stomach.
My now flat stomach
Suddenly everything came back. The pain, Sam talking to me, Crowley on the floor, the girl.
My baby.
I sat up, even though it made my world spin around.
I was in my room, the lights were dim, just a candle in a corner, no sight of Sam or Crowley.
What had happened to my baby? Was she okay? I didn't remember anything after I blacked out.
I stood up, forcing myself to put one feet in front of the other, going down the familiar hallways until the library.
"Lydia." Sam stared up at me, startled.
"Mary. My baby. What happened?"
I was aware of the tears going down my face, and I didn't really care.
"She's...she's gone."
"Gone? What do you-you mean with gone?"
He shook his head, looking down, not being able to look into my eyes.
"She was born, but she-she didn't make it."
I felt a stabbing sensation on my chest, the air sucked out of my lungs, and my knees gave up.
I cried on the floor feeling helpless. She was dead. My baby, the only thing that kept me going was gone. She never got the chance to live even.
I stood up without knowing why, a force ripping through me, and I felt the sudden urge of screaming, and so I did.
"I begged you-I trusted you to protect her! And you did nothing but crap. She didn't deserve this Sam. Nothing of this. It's all your fault. And crowley's. Dean's too. Why did you let did happen? You save yourself but can't save a damn innocent baby?"
I felt anger towards everyone,everything I had ever seen. Dean wasn't here to feel the pain I was feeling, and I felt envy all of sudden.
He stood up, coming closer towards me.
"I know why you are angry-but you can't just..."
"That I can't take it out on you? Of course I can, watch me. You never did care about this baby. Or about me. You were just too jealous that it belonged to Dean, it never belonged to you. You were just jealous. Sam. You are a coward. And I can't believe I never saw that before."
I couldn't control the words coming out of my mouth, those last words I swear I never meant to say, yet they came out, harsh and true, without meaning them too.
I turned around, not being able to stare at Sam's face.
"Lydia. Don't. It wasn't-that's not it. Crowley did everything he could. I did too. I even got help from Rowena. Axel-he was just here. We don't know what he's doing. It wasn't our fault."
I couldn't make up a reply. Tears were going down my cheeks, wetting my shirt, sobs breaking compulsively through my body.
"She's dead, okay? That's all that matters, not the reason why or even how? She was dead before even being born."
I started running then, out of the library. I couldn't stand to see him, be anywhere near anyone right now. I was about to break, vulnerable.
I ran outside until I got lost in the woods.
I know I kneeled down. Cried. I prayed, even. I told, I swore god that if somehow this was all an awful nightmare, if he allowed me to wake up, I'd make everything I could to keep him happy.
The only reply I got was the sky, thunders rising above me.
What was axel doing there? I trusted him. It couldn't have been him. He wouldn't have betrayed me, would he?
Never.
"Lydia."
I stayed where I was, kneeling on the grass, the world becoming a swirl of colors behind my tears.
"I'm sorry."
Sam took steps towards me, and soon he was sitting directly in front of me.
"Look at me, Lyds."
He took my chin upwards, looking into my eyes. He was crying, real tears.
"I didn't mean for this to happen. You don't deserve this. Hell, you deserve the happiest life of the whole world. I don't want to see you cry. She's looking at you right now, you know? Your daughter. She wouldn't want you to be sad. You don't deserve to be sad."
Something broke inside of me then. I took a shaky breath, leaning into his touch. I needed a distraction.
I cried into his shoulders until I wasn't sure if I still had tears left.
"Dean..." I whispered.
"We'll find a way." He said, as he slowly caressed my back.
I closed my eyes, laying there in the woods, believing that fake promise, just the thought of that keeping me alive.
-
Days went by. Weeks. I couldn't seem to eat, couldn't seem to stop crying, focus enough to work in a case. I missed them.
I thought about her.
There's so many things I'd never know. If she had Dean's green eyes, my hair, how she looked when she smiled, couldn't hear her cryings.
For a moment I wished to be dead. Maybe I'd get to see her then, be with her, protect her to make up for when I didn't.
I was in my room, midnight, when a thought came to my mind.
If I tried, if I tried hard enough, I could find him.
I stood up from the bed, a small smile on my lips.
Maybe.
Crowley's words echoed faintly in my mind, how I wasn't supposed to use my magic, 'it'd attract them, they'd be able to find you.'
Let them find me. I was dead already anyways.
I took the hallway to the left to the study, closed my eyes and remember what Rowena told me back when I was in the internship where I met Axel. I didn't need special materials or symbols, the chosen could do all that just by thinking about it. Lucky me.
I took a deep breath, shaking my hands to relieve some stress.
I closed my eyes, whispering the magic words. Over and over again, I opened my eyes at last. Nothing.
Think. Try. do something.
"For the power that the chosen has, and the prophecy that there was, i summon the location of my last chance."
I repeated it in Latin.
A wind went around me, making my hair blow in the air, my lungs to catch pure air.
I closed my eyes.
Him.
He was sitting beside a tree, his back pressed against it, looking at nothing. Dean.
He looked around for a minute, almost sensing me, and then I heard it, a gutural noise. I jumped startled. The vision was over.
It was dark. Monsters. The look on his face.
Purgatory, it must be.
I recall Crowley telling me how energy-consuming this spells were, how they'd finish me off.
But I felt powerful, strong, invencible.
I snapped my fingers, lighting the candles around me, one by one.
A smile was placed on my face.
Let them come.
I turned to look at myself in the mirror.
My eyes were totally black, darkness. I blinked, my green eyes came to focus again. Must've been a illusion.
I smiled, making up the plan as I went upstairs.
I'd go there, bring him back, no matter the costs.
I laid in my bed that night, a smile, my first smile in weeks, tugging at my face.
I'd find my way back to him, I always did.
-
This is kind of the chapter where you just want Lydia to be heartbroken. And yet Sam...I don't know if Lydia belongs with Sam or Dean TBH..comment what you think will happen next! Ily 💕
