Chapter 20: Fairytale
(Pov - Lydia)
"Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a claim to both thrones, heaven and hell, though she never felt she'd belong to both of them."
She stared at me, her green eyes popping out of her face, curiosity placed a smile on her face.
"Was that queen you?"
I nodded, brushing back her hair.
"So, I didn't. I didn't become a demon or an angel. And you won't either. That's why we have Crowley to deal with hell, and heaven will be ruled by chuck."
"Chuck?" She asked, looking back at me.
"God." I said, blushing. The reality was still too stupid.
"I'm allowed to see my daughter, moose. Open the damn door."
God, no.
Crowley opened the door, staring at us expectantly.
I knew he'd come, it was sooner or later, but I didn't expect this sooner.
I had come here almost 3 weeks ago, and since then, I'd pretty much divided my time into Dean, Mary, and spell lessons. I didn't really need them anymore, but Mary did.
"Well, aren't you going to say anything?"
"What do you want me to say Crowley?"
"Not even a thank you?"
I rolled my eyes, he knew I was thankful for him keeping Mary safe, he had to, and if he didn't, I'd tell him later.
"Darling we've got bigger problems. Lucifer wants to meet you. In person and alone."
"I'm not going."
"He's a threat to my throne, and your life. You should meet him. You're still stronger than him."
"Why should I?"
"He wants to quit the game. Stop this meaningless battle, only if you agree to meet with him."
"What does he win?"
"We'll see." He said, leaving the door open and chasing after Sam.
-
"I'm clearly not asking for your permission, squirrel. If she chooses to go, she'll go alone."
"Why should we trust you?"
"I was the one who kept your daughter safe. Do you need a reminder of that?"
I walked into the room, making both of them go quiet.
"I'm going." I said, staring at Crowley.
"Good."
"Lydia. This is dangerous for all of us. What about Mary?"
I took a few steps towards him, placing my hand on his chest.
"If that were to happen, she'll have you. And you'll keep her safe."
He shook his head, exhaustion in his voice.
"I'm not letting you go."
"It's my choice Dean. What happens if nothing really bad happens? We get Lucifer out of our tails. Isn't that good enough?"
He looked down, weary on his face.
I couldn't do anything else. We both needed this, and he knew that. He was just too scared to let go.
"What day will it be?" I asked, taking Dean's hand and turned around to Crowley.
"Today, midnight, though it might be delayed. I really doubt you'll have trouble. Your powers have had time to heal."
I nodded, that was true.
"Are you okay?" He asked, looking at me.
"Couldn't be more ready." I replied, dropping Dean's hand.
I ran to the room, Mary waiting expectantly with a book in her lap.
"Mommy? Something wrong?"
"I- I have to give you a surprise, okay? And you'll keep it with you when I'm gone. You cannot lose it, Mary."
She nodded slowly, tilting her head as she used to.
"What is it?"
I went over to the closet, opening the door with its engines creaking.
"This." I said, placing the small leather book into her tiny little hands.
"A book?"
"It's a journal." I replied, looking down at her, trying to memorize her features, keep her face deeply buried in my consciousness.
"Are you leaving, mom?"
I slowly nodded, trying to appear brave by holding back my tears.
"Will you come back?"
I nodded, though I knew I wouldn't.
That was the agreement that Crowley had made silently with his eyes. I'd leave. Mary would live.
What else could I possibly want?
"I'll miss you." I whispered, setting her in my lap, kissing her red hair.
"I love you, mommy." I was crying then, trying to hold back my sobs in her neck.
"Say that again, sweetie."
"I love you mommy."
I kissed her cheek, praying for her to be safe.
And this is the way it should've ended. Me giving up my life for hers, because I started all of this senseless fight years ago. It was the appropriate way of saying goodbye.
"I love you Mary. So very much."
She nodded, her hands grasping mine.
"You'll always be my angel. Always."
I held her, I don't know for how long. I listened to her steady breath, her chest slowly rising and falling, her cheeks red.
She was a blessing. And I'd be leaving her.
I cried for her. For us. Because I would never get the chance to see her grow up, or even look at her when she graduated. I'd be gone by then. And maybe she wouldn't even remember me.
And that's when I knew. I was supposed to die like this all along. The history was written before I was even born. A life for another.
The prophecy. The book Dean didn't feel like reading and the one I had kept hidden, how Crowley knew what would happen, how he showed me his love in odd ways.
The chosen should fall, alone and unafraid. Her powers fading, her loved ones loving. And so heaven and hell will remain in the restless fight, while her body will lay down in the clearing, demons and angels bowing, some happy some sad, this shall be the story that was written since before God had the idea of it.
-
"You'll hurt yourself." I whispered, watching as Dean played with a knife, his hands shaking.
"You're leaving." He said, without looking into my eyes.
"Yes."
He let the knife drop, clattering into the ground.
"Isn't there something I could do for you to stay? Tell me anything and I'll do it. Lydia, please."
I looked at the floor, not being able to meet his gaze. I'd hardly seen him cry, and now he was breaking in front of me, all because of my fault.
"Dean, come on, it'll be okay."
"No, Lydia. It'll never be."
"I was just another girl you slept with, Dean. You'll find someone else, you'll be able to love again. And it'll be as if this never happened."
"What about her?" He asked, his eyes red.
"She'll have you."
"I didn't want this to end this way, Lydia. You deserve a life. And I took that away from you."
He was sitting on the bed, and as I got closer he scooted over, allowing me to sit.
"It's not your fault."
"It could've been different." He whispered, taking my hand.
"It could have. I could've finished college, gotten a husband, had kids and live a life with happiness. But I never wanted that. Because it meant that I'd never get to meet you. And even if I suffered, if this wasn't the life I deserved, I would never change it, because I have you."
He looked at me, a tear down his cheek.
"Are you going to give up? Without a fight?"
"Let go, Dean. I'm okay. See...I'm happy. I'm happy that I got to spend the last day of my life with you."
"Lydia, please don't..."
"Listen to me, you Winchester. You have died, Sam has died, everyone does. But you gotta promise me something. Once I'm gone, you won't bring me back. I deserve peace. And once I'm gone, you won't cry over me. You'll just keep on hunting, you'll tell Mary how much I loved her, and you'll keep her safe. Promise me Dean."
"Lydia, I-"
"Promise."
"I do."
"So this is the goodbye. And looking at the end of the story, I'm glad it's over. I'm tired, Dean. I want to close my eyes and just forget. And I am so incredibly thankful for you. You were a mess, but you were my mess. And you showed me how to love. What else could I possibly need?"
"I'll miss you, baby."
"I'll miss you, too. But I'll always be there watching you. You'll be happier than you've ever been. And one day you'll remember me as a memory, and it won't hurt anymore."
"My angel." He whispered, placing his hands on my cheeks, drawing me close for a kiss.
Tears were freely running down my face now, still I smiled into the kiss.
"I love you, Dean."
"And I'll always love you, angel."
And that was my goodbye. My favorite.
Every minute I spent with him came back to memory in that kiss. As we separated I tried to picture his face, years from now, copying his face in my memory.
I was dead already, and I didn't have a choice. Yet, he'd be happy. And I was tired of fighting. And if this is what life is, I had everything. I loved someone more than I loved myself. I had my happy and sad moments, I created a wonderful family. It was all over.
And life is love, love is life, and then I felt safe. Because I knew what'd happen.
Goodbye.
-
This is the second to last chapter....
