Black Rose

43.

Majesty A. Turner

The bottle was harshly snatched from my grip. Sitting up, I see Alex pour the remaining of the beer into the sink. His back stayed towards me as he slammed the green glass bottle onto the counter. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he stared out of the small squared window in front of him. I now sat with my back on the cabinet. The wind could be heard from outside since neither of us spoke.

I didn't realize I was chewing on my bottom lip until I tasted blood.

My anxiousness was through the roof at moment. The man I love and gave my all to won't speak to me. What did I do to deserve this? Because I tried to drown myself in my sorrows? How can that make him not speak to me when I'm simply being him.

Instead of alcohol, he takes pride in sex and drugs. Cocaine isn't the only drug he now heavily uses. The drugs are so foreign to me I have no idea what they're called.

Sex is something we practice quite a bit. He'll come home late at night or in the early hours of the morning with a million of thoughts in that mind of his. Sex seems to be the only thing to make him feel at ease. Sex is something that should make our souls feel as one; I feel separate.

I feel alone and lonely.

"If I can turn my fear into beauty, that's what I will do." I spoke, breaking the silence.

His shoulders moved up and down as he breathed heavily. The tears burned my eyes as I stared at his back. The beer's residue on my chin and shirt became sticky. When he snatched the bottle from me some of the substance fell out of the bottle and onto me.

Sticky can explain so many things. Not just my face and shirt, but also this relationship.

At this moment I wanted nothing more than to be in my maw maw's arms. She's very disappointed in me. I can feel it within my soul. She's the one person who encouraged me to be independent and to never give up what I love for someone. I gave up writing for my husband. It seems as if writing also gave up on me.

Sniffing, I use the fridge handle to help me off of the floor. I was careful to not slip in the liquid that almost made me closer to my maw maw. "Why'd you turn me into a monster? I feel like I have ice in my hair as if I'm a cold bitch."

We were finally face to face, but still feet away. I was taken back when I saw tears on his cheeks. His nose was a rosy color at the tip. "Don't you blame me Majesty, don't you fuckin' blame me." His index finger pointed at me as the other hand gripped the counter behind him.

Gulping, I took a few steps closer to him, but leaned my body on the island. "I wouldn't be in this predicament if it weren't for you."

"You know what.." He sighed as he tossed his arms in the air. "I don't know what the hell you just said since you wanna throw in a big word, but goodnight." He departed the kitchen and headed to the living room where the stairs were. "You can talk to me when you wanna act like a grown woman."

Shaking my head, I let out a quiet laugh when he slammed the bedroom door shut like an angry teenager.

"Thirty years old..." I mumbled to myself as I wet a wash cloth and began to clean my mess up on the floor.

After cleaning my mess up and throwing my bottle away, I made my way up the stairs. My feet stopped in front of our door, but my hand wouldn't open the door. My body wanted to go in and make up for my terrible mistakes, but my soul, oh my soul thought otherwise. Taking a deep breath, I released the knob from my hand and went down the hall to the room I have specifically for my writing, or what's left of it. The carpeted floor creaked underneath my feet as I softly closed the door.