The name's Miguel. I just graduated with all my friends from Grade School. After that point in our lives was summer. I never really worried about summer ending for I didn't want to. But ever so slowly June came closer until June had finally arrived. School was on the rebound and I was very ill prepared. I never knew what to expect.
I kept my head down for the first day. I never spoke a word in class, except for when the teacher wanted the new students to introduce themselves. I hung out with my old friends who came with me to La Salle. I had to admit the first day wasn't really great. It took a long ride home and when my parents asked me who'd my day go, I said it was fine.
The second and third day went by and I felt burdened. I was never ready for high school. I thought of just crying and ranting to my parents about how gruesome my experience was. But somehow I found hope. My radio was playing "Once in Awhile" by Timeflies. I remembered rapping to the lyrics with my off key singing and thoroughly living them.
"Lived life like my blood type, B+, these days some shiz got me feelin quite the opposite. Music's like my heroin but all I hear is poppy shiz. Time to get up off it and watch somebody copy it. I'm westbound down and out, feelin fake now like somebody found me out. I better slow down, I'm browning out so many thoughts lemme drown em out."
It was true. I lived life like no other then something made me feel like crap. Music was my heroin. I was addicted, but it made me feel good. I felt good all of a sudden and ready to take on anything. I remembered I was moving closer to my school so I told myself.
"Get your ass through the next week and run home with a smile. Cause after that it'll be beautiful."
I ran through the week like no other. Made a couple friends along the week despite my crap attitude back then. Everything felt so whole to me. I had friends, I only had to wake up at 6:00 instead of 5:00, and I'm getting to be at the top of the class.
Fast Forward to July ⏭
I was doing very well in my studies and easily became a top contender in class. Yet, my attitude was crap. I was very mean and boastful and wasn't that thankful for where I was.
Fast Forward to August ⏭
Ever so slowly I started ranking down in the class and my attitude became worse. I easily became hated and I was obsessed with cash. On the outside I felt so alive. On the inside I felt so lost. I never knew who to trust and what to do. The darkness overcame my personality and I couldn't tell at all.
Fast Forward to September ⏭
I noticed what I was doing. But I couldn't stop doing what I was doing. I felt like I was in a black hole, but I didn't wanna get out. It felt right. Somehow. But deep down inside of me I knew I was doing wrong. I wasn't close to God, and I was too deeply burdening myself. I didn't know why, until late September.
I consulted my friend Danny and told him what was on my mind. Danny is Korean, possibly my best friend right now, and really smart and kind.
I told him about my old crush, and how I never let go of her. I told him we weren't very close, and how I met her in summer camp. We left each other like we were supposed to when summer camp ended, but we kept emailing each other. One day she stopped emailing me and ever so slowly forget about me. Even after this, he told me not to ditch her, but I never thought he understood the situation I was in. It was a dark place without harmony. It felt desolate. It felt as if I was just running in circles trying to escape my feelings, but I knew that wouldn't work.
