Eating Disorder ||Alren

6.

Lauren's pov

After the waitress handed me to what it used be our order, I bolted to the door. I walked over to my car and unlocked.

I started to feel my blood boiling. "I just had to mess up," I said as I slammed my hand on the stirring wheel causing it to honk and attract a couple of people walking by. But I didn't care. I was enraged with myself.

This could've been your only friend in this god forsaken town, and you fucking ruined it.

I turned on the engine, without looking I put it in reverse to go straight to my house as fast as I could.

I opened the door and walked in, took off my jacket and threw it on the ground aimlessly and made my way up the stairs into the bathroom.

My reflection in the mirror appeared as soon as I shut the door behind me and locked it. I stared at myself with pure disgust. I gripped the sink with both hands trying to contain myself.

For fuck sakes, Lauren, why the hell would you ask that? But couldn't help it, I felt horrible for asking a stupid question.

You have got to be kidding me.

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Trigger Warning

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I left the bathroom for a quick second to go to my bedroom and look for a blade in my dresser. There's a selection to pick from. I stow them away in here, I can't let anyone know I have them. My mom would freak and probably send me to hospital if she found out about it.

After I grabbed a nice sharp one, I walked back to the bathroom locking the door behind me once again and rushed to the tub. I turned the water on and watched how it poured down and hit the marble tub continuously.

I went in without caring about wetting my clothes. I filled up the water where it leveled with my chest.

I picked up the blade that was sitting on edge of the tub. I raised my right arm out of the water where I could see it.. Then the razor made contact with my skin ever so slightly pulled back and made a cut; The blood dripped from my arm and into the water, making it a light red color that put me in a daze.

"Might as well make another one while I'm at it," I said to myself.

One cut, then two cuts, then it turned into three, four cuts after another.

I drained the bloody water and removed my clothes to take a shower.

The water hit my cuts and it stings. "Fuck," I whispered harshly as the pain stung for just hitting water against my own skin.

I felt myself tense up, I was trying to fight the tears, but I couldn't handle it, I had to let it all out. I couldn't tell the difference between my own tears and the water pouring down on me.

After washing my hair and moping, I went to my room with a towel wrapped around my chest covering the bottom half of my body.

I put the blade back to its place and closed the drawer. I changed into comfortable clothes, just sweatpants and a shirt. Not too complicated.

I laid down on my bed, staring at the ceiling thinking about the things I should have said instead, but what could have I done differently? That mark was almost bigger than her god damn face, how could I just ignore it! Maybe she did want me to ignore it.

The image of Ally leaving the coffee place kept replaying in my mind.

What felt like a trance was soon interrupted by my phone. I didn't bother to check, I didn't want to talk to anyone.