Eating Disorder ||Alren

20.

Ally's pov

I thought about this for the rest of the night, the next morning; pretty much everyday when I wasn't distracted by someone or at least something not being thrown at me with hatred.

The suffering, the pain, but when will it all end?

Maybe one day things will get better. The other side of the dark, ominous clouds just waiting for me; the staircase to heaven, but instead I get sucked into the voids of hell for committing the sins that are unforgivable. What is there for me to keep living on when I have nothing left to hope for. I can't get out, I can't break this endless cycle.

I feel alone when I shouldn't.

I cry for no reason.

My body aches every time I move; I can't stand up, I can't sit down. My body is not enough for him, so who is worthy? Not me.

Does he not love me anymore? In the beginning he said to me, "I wouldn't hurt your pretty little face." He said, "I would never leave your side." He fucking said no one can replace my touch.. my voice.. my sympathy.. my kindness.. my love that once burned so brightly but went out so quickly.

Why make promises you cannot keep? He assured that he loved me to the moon and back, but he never came back to me. He was gone. Troy is not the person I fell in love with anymore, but now I'm stuck. Stuck on a feeling that's no longer there and what else can I do, but wish for it to come back; or at least to leave.

And it's always my fault, but I believed him. He'd convince me otherwise with a new bruise every week in a new place where no one other than him can see.

How will I get out of this? Alive if I have to; I'm left with no other option by leaving this cold place forever. Don't know when I'll build up the courage to do so.

- -

I finally crawled out of bed when the clock struck 1 in the afternoon. Didn't bother washing my face or brushing teeth.

Suddenly, my phone went off in the other room as I was about to head downstairs in the kitchen. I went back and retrieved the phone and turned it on and saw a message. A smile spread across my face.

"She remembered me," I whispered softly to myself and slid the lock screen open and there her message was.

Lauren💚: Hey, hope you're still not mad at me, love

Me: How can I be mad at you for so long, Jauregui? :)

Lauren💚: Well, I did leave you at the park and the way I treated you at my house must've been shitty and i wouldn't even associate with myself anymore if I was with you.

Me: That's you, not me.

Me: Plus, I'm the forgiving type, so you're just in luck :)

Lauren : Aren't I lucky then! But still, I was totally in the wrong for acting such a bitch towards, and you don't deserve that, Ally

Me: Hey, I thought we settled this already at your place, didn't we?

Lauren : Okay, fine... But I just need to make sure for like the millionth time

Lauren : But that's not why I'm here to talk to you. It is, but now I want to know how you're still with that scumback.

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Heyyyyyy, long time no seeeeeee- I missed you guys! This book is so dead it makes me upset, but it is my fault for the long updates and short context. I'm re--writing the book to fill it p more- add more details, words, plot and what now. Finals are close which means summeerr and more chapters for this and the other books!! I might be in Mexico for like 2-4 weeks or not... soooo but ill spend most of time writing. PM's are always open dang it! Talk 2 me pls, I need frends :'(

Favorite, Comment, Share!! Only motivates me to do more :) Ily guys!

-AZ