Life Of Anonymous

4

Old time sake-

I realized what I did. I fell in love with this boy. I didn't approve on somethings he did. He loved me too. We dated. After we broke up, he tried everything too get me back. I thought my feelings have left because my some of me so called "Friends" wanted me to stay single. I never thought of what I wanted.  Until today at school...in my 4th period. He wouldn't look at me as much as he did. I knew he had moved on. I was heart broken, I figured that I'd move on. But I didn't....I saw the messages with him and his girlfriend.  I felt heart broken. I tried to pretend I didn't see anything. I remembered they were just like ours. I never knew I'd miss it. He looked at me with his brown eyes that I fell in love with. He gave me a smile. I felt like my heart melt. He would try to keep a serious face with me but he'd smile. My feelings became to grow by each action.   But I knew I couldn't have him. But there was nothing I could do. I put me other earbud in. A song was on replay. The song made me remember him. The bell rung, on to 5th period. I saw in the corner of my eye, him looking at me. I wasn't myself the self everyone had gotten use to. I wasn't smiling. My mask fell off. I wasn't smiling and my friend said my eyes looked dull that they were in pain full of sadness. I started walking and for some reason he walked with me. When his class was in the other direction. His girlfriend doesn't even come here. Why is he following me. I held my journal, it had everything in it. Drawings, quotes, how I felt. I held it tight to me. I only looked at the ground. Holding in my tears. Then my best friend came out of know where and pulled me to the side. 

 Asked me: "Are you okay?"

I just shook my head no. 

"What is wrong?" She asked soon another friend he was cool but we weren't close.

I for some reason held back more tears and a couple slipped out of my eyes. She whipped them away. 

"Is it about him.." She nudged to the one I lost the one I loved

I give a slight nod and with my now soft voice said "And so much more." 

She hugged me.

"If you can come over to my place, if you want we can talk." 

I nodded and we went our ways.

 I went to class a couple of my friends that were in my class were worried, I came into a classroom. Not smiling, looking down. Not focusing on my surroundings. 

What was happening was It was mostly him. I had loved him so much. I was crazy in love with him.  I know I won't find someone like him. I know that, He was a drug I was addicted to, I'll never go to rehab for it. But the drug I am addicted to I will overdose on.

__

 Nobody knows what goes threw my head. 

Nobody knows who I am...

What I think..

What I feel...

Nothing...Because if they do Know I'll be more alone then I actually am.

~~

I have 162 scars. For the passed two days. It'd be more. That was the last time I counted.

My cuts on my wrist and thighs are to make sure my pain and sadness stay in the inside where nobody can see them. But now I have so much pain and sadness my cuts can't hold them in. So sooner or later. 

I'll be dead...

I'll have letters to all the ones who stayed by my side. They'll get it. And they won't know when I have took the bottle of pills and took them all. 

I'd lay on the ground. Slowly going to my death place. Before I'll die...you all will know who I am. Because I won't be the anonymous girl anymore.

And maybe...you guys will know me...and realize, you knew how I felt even though I was anonymous. My identity will be the social media's I have.

Before I end it, the letters I wrote will be posted on here. So you know how dear they were. And who caused me some of the pain. 

I hope you can understand that even though this so called "God" put us on this planet for a reason some of us aren't suppose to be here...because everyone makes mistakes.