Life Of Anonymous

6

I'm going to be honest. I'm a fuck up.

I have two brothers and as an older sister, I don't call them as much as I should. On thanksgiving I had family over. I'm adopted..I called my brothers...I started crying talking to them on the phone. Who does that?! I mean you are suppose to be strong for the people you care about. My mom is in prison because she made a mistake. Never met my real dad. Got abused by my step dad mentally and physically. Everyone kinda mentally abused me...not as much as some friends. My brothers live with their real dad. 

I always sat in the basement in the dark. Crying, not eating, thinking why am I here. What is the point of being here if everyone hates you or uses you? 

After my step father died..I was with his parents. They mentally abused me too. I always had to fake a smile in my own home! Every where I go there would be oh look there is the same smile, that hides the face that I'm breaking inside! 

In health we learn about depression, suicide, cutting skin. I couldn't even look at the board. I ignored all of it! Because I wanted nothing to do with it.  And in order to keep myself maintain I dug my nails into my skin.

Everyday same thing, wake up, get ready put the mask on make sure everyone is happy. And frankly I'm getting tired of it.

Yeah I'd have fun with my friends or my family that adopted me because I am trying to figure out what am I suppose to do? Am I suppose to go with the flow.

I'm failing almost all my classes,  I sit there drawing, listening to music, fake smiles. Frankly would anyone even miss me if I was gone?

It'd be nice to just get away from everything. Overdose on pills enough where I wont die but will be in a coma. Fine as long as I don't have to smile!

Everyday I'd skip breakfast once in awhile I'd eat lunch...I usually always skip dinner. I am never hungry. 

Some people do some shit to get there mind of things. I cut my skin, listen to music, draw, smoke weed. Yeah i smoke weed, pass the blunt. Because maybe I can be so high I can forget.  What next popping pills, okay. 

I just want to forget! I want to forget about everything. All the pain all the memories even if i could die. I wont care. I cant talk to people because I'm hopeless. And nobody wants to deal with a person with no hope in helping. I can't talk to anybody..so to express myself...I'd cut. I'd stay bubbly around everyone. How fake can I be.