If I Lose Myself

Chapter Eight: Draco

Chapter Eight: Draco

November 1996

"Let's try this again, Draco."

"Bella, he's had enough—"

"Don't interrupt me, Cissy!"

Draco's aunt and mother argued aimlessly about him. Not that he was surprised, or anything – they always did fight, considerably a lot more since his aunt escaped Azkaban as far as his mother was concerned. The argument went on for a few minutes, but perhaps by the time that they had finished; his mind was already elsewhere.

It's been weeks since he'd been caught by Blaise and Pansy near the Room of Requirement. Though they never fully ousted it, it was possible that they already figured out where he'd been going off to these past few months. He was, however, surprised to find that they never asked him again. And when he had Crabbe and Goyle double their guarding duties to high alert, the couple never went up to the seventh floor since then.

He didn't know whether they were trying to give him his space as he had wordlessly asked them to or that they just didn't care anymore. It pained him to think that it might be the latter. While he never quite considered Crabbe and Goyle to be his friends, he did consider Blaise and Pansy. They had better minds than the two boys put together and certainly knew more about him than anyone else in the school. It just as troubled him that he had to push them away because any more time spent with them, he might just end up spilling his sins – and he certainly couldn't do that if he wanted both his parents alive.

"Draco, are you sure you can handle just one more?" Narcissa asked him softly, placing a gentle hand against his on the armchair. "Just say the word and we'll stop this now."

"Nonsense!" Bellatrix scoffed unpleasantly as she rounded the room impatiently; the same room they've been using nearly every other week at Hogsmeade to practice his Occlumency. "He's perfectly capable of another go. He's getting better! And surely, if he goes at least five minutes without showing me a single memory – then we'll know he's ready. By then we'll know he'll be safe from the Dark Lord."

Narcissa's eyes narrowed dreadfully, as if she was trying to consider this before she looked up to him again. "Draco?"

"I can handle it, mother. Don't worry." Draco assured her before taking her hand and squeezing it into his. "I'll be alright. I promise."

His mother nodded gravely before moving away and standing just a little off to the side. Bellatrix finally moved in front of him, her bendy wand at the ready as she pointed it at his forehead. There was a pregnant silence for what felt like hours as he emptied and rid his mind of any thoughts or feelings. Then, he heard the strong incantation.

"Legilimens!" Bellatrix screeched.

The familiar sharp pain hit him from his head down to the tips of his toes and he instinctively closed his eyes. There was nothing but black, silky void in his view. Like the many practices that he was close to succeeding, he floated through the space of the darkness. His entire body was now relaxed and the pain subsided far faster than it did in the past. He weaved through the dark, empty vast – his whole being in limbo, concentrating on keeping it that way.

Suddenly, there was a loud banging. At first, he thought it might be coming from the room where he was settled in with his aunt and mother – probably housekeeping to check on them. But then he realized it was around the warp of his barren space. The banging went on for several minutes, as if whoever was doing the sound was asking for entrance. He shut off the noise calmly, focusing on the desolate blackness, his mind at peace despite the racket that seemed to increase by the minute.