The Choreographer

2: Pizza

Now, three days later, I have successfully taught Niall, Liam, Louis, Harry and Zayn two simple dances that they should do on stage. I, however, am not under the illusion that they will actually preform these dances. They can barely focus without screaming fans and singing, I don't know how they'll focus with all of the above and more.

I drink my coffee slowly. I walk into my room to get dressed and stop in front of my full length mirror. Do I look heavier? I pull up my tank top to inspect my stomach. I can see the lines of my muscles, and I relax. I look in the mirror again. I feel heavier. I shake my head and decide to eat lightly today. I'm not anorexic...I'm just...observant.

I down my coffee, grab my keys and leave for work.

****

I pause in front of our dancing room, I can hear the boys singing and bickering almost simultaneously. I am surprised at how nice their voices sound when they sing together. I decide to look up more of their songs later, the only songs I have heard are the ones that are overplayed on the radio.

I stride into the room and they all stop singing. I smirk at them. "Don't stop, that was BEAUTIFUL!" I say remembering what Louis said to me on my first day.

Liam is the first one to get it and begins laughing.

I watch as the rest of the boys make the connection and laugh or smile.

"Did our Izzy just make a funny?" Louis asks incredulously.

I groan internally at the nickname they've given me. I'm rarely called Isabel, it's always Izzy, Iz, or my personal least favorite, Odette. After our awful dancing interaction they have taken to calling me Odette, I hate it.

Zayn smiles and says "I think Izzy might be capable of humor..."

Niall ponders for a moment then speaks "Which means she's not a robot as we thought..."

"I'm done..." I say as I turn on my heel and start towards the door.

I don't get very far before I'm stopped, by Harry. "Laugh, it's a joke." He says trying to get me to be agreeable.

Jokes on him because I'm not.

"When you're the brunt of the joke it is often hard to see it's hilarity." I tell him.

They just kind of look at me for a second. "Right." Harry says.

"Right." I say raising my eyebrows at this strange situation. "Lets just, start dancing..."

****

I've kept the boys on task for about forty-five minutes before it's time for a lunch break.

The boys argue about where to go before they decide on getting pizza. Zayn turns to me, "You coming with us, Iz?"

I shake my head. Instead of leaving they all look at me skeptically.

"Then what are you going to do?" Liam questions and I can hear suspicion in his voice.

"Stay here?" I answer. Why were they looking at me like that?

"You never come with us to lunch..." Louis says, trying to guilt me.

I shrug "It's not a big deal..." I want to add that we aren't friends but I don't feel like more confrontation after what happened this morning.

Harry comes out with what I now know they've all been thinking "We don't think you're eating, Iz."

I blink. "Why wouldn't I be eating?" I respond.

"That's what we want to know." Niall says.

I do not need this in my life. I decide that the pizza is a prevention method, a prevention of people trying to get in. It is not calories, it is prevention.

****

They order four pizzas and all five boys take monstrous amounts of slices. I take one, then remember what I looked like in the mirror. I know what it's like to be heavy and I never want to go back. It's just not easy to tell people that, becuase it's admitting a flaw. The point of armor is to hide the cracks, and everyday I make sure that I am wearing armor.

I debate about eating the pizza. I can't quite make myself believe that it's not a calorie. I feel them all watching me.

"Stop looking at me!" My voice comes out shaky, and high, so unlike me. Great job keeping on the armor.

"Iz..." Harry says, putting his hand on my arm.

I jerk away from his touch, like it burns me. How is it that these boys have only known me for 4 days and have managed to hit a deep and personal nerve? Am I that transparent?

I cut up the pizza. Then I arrange it into a circle, then a square before I finally start to eat it. Prevention, not calorie. It's like a seatbelt, not a cage.

I look up and see them all watching me without looking like they're trying to watch me. This is why I don't do people, they constantly want something from you, and right now the five boys want me to open up.

I am not about to open up to them.