The Choreographer

37: Christmas Party

"Isabel!" Harry's mom smiles and hugs me as we walk into the place where Harry's family party is being held.

I hug her back. "Hi," I smile.

"How have you all been? How was the tour?" She asks questions and I provide answers Harry wonders off to talk to some other family members and I end up sitting by myself at some table.

I talked with Gemma, and with Anne and even with Harry's step father. I met his grandparents and talked with his cousins. I really don't know what else to do with myself so I wet my finger with the water from my glass and run my finger around the rim until it makes a high pitched noise.

"You're going to break someone's hearing aid." Harry says sitting next to me.

"Oh right, pardon me." I remove my wet finger from the glass and wipe it on Harry's shirt.

"Only a couple more hours." He promises holding my hand.

"I know." I sigh. It's not that I don't like his family, because I do, and I can tell that they like me, but I think they like me because Harry talks about me, not because of what I say for myself. Which is okay with me, I'm not really good and making friends. Friends usually have to make me.

We end up sitting with Harry's immediate family during dinner. I think his mom did it on purpose, trying to get to know me better.

"So, what do your parents do?" She asks.

"Oh, uh, my dad was an engineer, but the mechanical kind, on cars and stuff, and my mom is a nurse." I say. "But my dad died when I was nine, so..."

"Oh," His mom says, she looks at Harry apologetically.

"It's fine." I tell her, and in turn give Harry a 'lay off' look.

"What does your brother do?" She tries again. It occurs to me that when I met her last Christmas we never covered any of these questions. I was too bitter and stony, and my brother was there to entertain them.

"He's a writer." I explain. "He lives in New York, he writes futuristic novels." I elaborate more than I would usually, trying to be amiable.

"Oh," She says, nodding her head.

I nod. It's not long before Harry teases Gemma and then they are off in an argument and the attention is off of me.

***

Harry squeezes my hand as we walk out to his car. "That wasn't so bad was it?"

"No, I guess not." I reply. Anne and I talked some more, and it became much less awkward and uncomfortable. I think we could get along well, if we saw each other more. But for now she and I having Harry in common is enough.

Harry drops me off at my house. I walk up the stairs and lock myself in my bathroom. I sigh and lean my head back against the wall. I am not good around crowds. I'm just not good at being social.

I go to sleep and around two in the morning I wake up and sprint to the bathroom like I'm training for a marathon. I throw up, a lot. I throw up more than I think I've even eaten in the past day. I start to cough and swish my mouth out with water. I am not in the mood for being sick. It's almost Christmas.

I fall asleep next to the toilet and wake up with my neck cramped and blood on my pajamas. Thank you mother nature. I get up and vomit again and then take a shower. I am just not really ready for any of this on December 24th.

I stumble over to my phone and text Louis happy birthday. I almost forgot. I put on sweatpants and a hoodie and park myself on the couch. I turn on Keeping Up with the Kardashians and watch it for two hours. I start to feel guilty, and like my brain cells are dying, so I turn off the TV and reach for my phone. Harry texted me. I had it on silent because I really didn't feel like socializing.