The Choreographer

43: Taboo

****A year and three months later.****

"What if I bleed?" I ask my mother who is adjusting my curls before I have to walk down the aisle. My brother is giving me away.

"That's natural." My mom tells me.

"Will it hurt?" I have somehow kept my virginity in tact. I don't even know how I did it.

"Isabel." She says exasperated. "Yes, it will."

"Mom! That doesn't help!" I cry out.

"I'm not a liar and I will not give you a false sense of security." She gives me a look her greenish brown eyes looking intense.

I sigh.

"But, you are his and he is yours. It will get better." She says softly, putting her hands on my shoulder.

"I'm going to cry. I'm so nervous, I could throw up." I tell her.

"So was I." My mom smiles.

Isaac walks in a moment later. "You ready?"

"No." I sigh.

"Cold feet?" He asks, surprised.

"No." I say, more solemnly.

"Then what?" He looks to my mother to explain me, as usual.

"She's worried about losing her virginity." She tells him and I blush.

"You haven't lost it yet?" Isaac seems shocked.

"I'm not a whore!" I give him a look.

"You and Harry have been together for two and a half years. Two and a half. That's not being a whore. How did you manage that one?"

"I just..." I pause. I cried, actually. It almost happened once, but I was so nervous that I broke down crying and Harry laughed at me and tried to pretend that he wasn't bothered and held me. I felt bad.

"Doesn't matter." My mother says. I told her what happened, and neither of us really want Isaac to know.

"I'm going to hug him." Isaac decides. "Now."

"What?" I say reaching after him and falling short. "No!"

But he's out the door. I watch him from the window. He runs down the aisle and hugs Harry. Not a wimpy hug either, a bone crushing hug. I know he whispered something to Harry by the way Harry starts laughing and nodding.

Isaac walks back into the room. "So, I'm guessing Elsa and dark mysterious didn't work out." He says.

"Daisy and Zayn?" I ask. He nods. "No they didn't. They lasted about six months. She's moving to Tennessee in a week."

"Really? To 'Murica?" He smirks at me.

"Oh stop." I roll my eyes.

"What about Darcy and what's his bucket?" Isaac looks over at me.

"Meh." I say. "They're not together now, but they keep in touch. I try not to find that weird."

Isaac nods.

"And you?" I ask.

"Mallie and I are doing well." He smiles at me.

He met Mallie seven months ago at a coffee shop in New York. He's crazy about her. I wanted her to come as Isaac's date but she was stuck at work today.

I sigh. Isaac sighs. My mother smiles. "Let's go."

I nod and take Isaac's arm. I'm terrified. I make it down the aisle anyway, but cry before I get the chance to say 'I do.'

I'm a sniffley, but very happy mess by the end of the wedding, and I am worn out by the time Harry and I leave the reception.

I fall asleep on Harry's shoulder on the way back to the hotel that we're staying at tonight, before we leave for Hawaii tomorrow morning. I insisted on Hawaii, I'm not sure as to why, but I lobbied hard for it and won.

"Wake up," Harry whispers in my ear as we arrive at the hotel.

"Just carry me." I tell him, still in my dazed, sleepy stupor.

"As you wish," He complies, scooping me up. I see people milling around, some grabbing our bags, and others watching us as we make our way into the hotel.

I hear elevator sounds and I know that people in the lobby were watching us. A man in a tux and a woman in a wedding gown.

I dyed my hair back brown, as was expected by my then fiancee.

Harry deposits me on a bed.

I look up at him, I feel the burning sensation of eyeliner making it's way into my eyeball. "Hi," I say, my voice soft, sleepy and hushed.

"So lemme guess," Harry says, a very slight edge to his voice, "Not tonight?"

I lay back on the bed. I look up at Harry and blink my eyes. "Let me shower." I say.

I walk into the bathroom, fiddling with the clasp of my dress. "Love?" I call for Harry, once I have the dress off.

"Yeah?" He says walking over to the cracked bathroom door.

"Hand this up." I tell him, handing him my white gown.

Harry nods his head. I can tell that his annoyed. He thinks that I'm going to try to get out of making love to him or something.

I decide to prolong my shower just to annoy him, and then blowdry my hair just to add another fifteen minutes to the clock.

"Makeup or no makeup?" I ask myself. Am I supposed to wear makeup? Does it even matter?

I sigh. I have no idea.

"Harry?" I call.

"Hmm?" I hear from another room.

"Makeup or no?"

"For what?"

"For..." I trail off, hoping he gets it.

"I don't care. Am I supposed to?"

I laugh in response. I think he's still irritated.

I walk out of the bathroom and into our bedroom. I sigh as I put on one of the 'outfits' I got at my bachelorette party. I realize then that I am nervous. And I jump when I hear Harry's voice in the doorway. I didn't even hear him open the door.

"You know why I didn't believe you?" He asks.

"No," I say, my cheeks hot as I turn to face him, in this mix of clothing and underwear that I'm wearing. "Why?"

"Because you are so utterly terrified of yourself that I didn't think you would ever be willing to share your greatest fear with me." He says softly.

"Terrified of myself?" I ask him.

"Your body is a taboo for you. You hate it. You hate looking at yourself. Your body is the root of all your insecurities. I thought you might never be ready to put your fear away."

"Fear of what, Melon?" I call Harry Melon when he confuses me, simply because Melon is a confusing term of endearment, and I figured that he should be as puzzled as I am.

"Fear of me not liking what I see."

I bite my lip because he's right. There was always that nibbling nagging feeling in the back of my mind telling me that he had been with prettier girls that I couldn't compare to. But I digested the feelings, mainly for Harry. For what I knew Harry deserved. "What do you think?" I give him a look, daring him to answer me at all.

"The problem is that what I see makes it hard for me to think." He says.

"Then don't." I shrug, and pull him in for a kiss that I know will only lead to more.