The Choreographer

12: Ice Queen

"Isabel, you're on in 5." Meredith tells me. I nod and square my shoulders preparing to meet my audience as Clara. Harry picked up Isaac this after noon, and I wonder how their drive went. I didn't have time to call him, because I've been at the stage all day in preparation. Christmas is in three days, and I have gotten Isaac's gift, I mailed my mother hers, but I still haven't gotten Harry anything. I've thought about it, but I just don't know what he'd want. And it doesn't matter what I get him anyway, because it could never top the bracelet he got me. That he got me for no special occasion. What will he get me now that it is a special occasion? I wish I could just know that he would buy me a gift card, or like chocolate or something.

"In 10, 9 ,8..." Meredith counts off as I make my way onto the stage.

****

I look out into the crowd for the first time as the sugar plum fairies take the stage, and I feel my jaw drop when I see, Louis, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Isaac, Harry, Brooke, Daisy, Darcy and Perrie, whom I've never met, taking up an entire row of the theatre. My attention is suddenly brought to one of the sugar plum fairies, she looks faint, nervous and pale. You know her. My mind tells me. I'm almost sure I've never met her outside of this show, I think her name is Ivory. When I briefly catch her eye, I realize that I do know her, that she was me when I was 14. Granted, shes probably 16, and shes tiny, but the look in her eyes, the insecurity, the determination, it's all there, and it's all me.

When she faints, I react before I know what I'm doing. The sugar plum fairies have stopped their dance in shock, and Ivory lays on the floor. I realize that I probably look ridiculous, out there on my knees feeling for Ivory's pulse. Her breathing is slow, and her face is pale under her makeup.

I know right away that she's not sick in the normal use of the word. She's not eating, I can feel the bones in her wrist, and her collar bone is protruding. "Get off the stage!" Meredith yells at me.

"Call an ambulance." I tell her, speaking much more quietly. the whole show is now at a stand still, the audience watching waiting for the climax.

"I'm fine." Ivory says coming to, looking up at me.

I look at her and say what I wish someone had told me "Not eating doesn't solve any problems Ivory. It just creates problems you never knew existed."

I stand up and take her hand guiding her off the stage and out of everyone's sight.

"I eat." she argues, and I almost laugh at how shes sounds so much like me.

"Good." I tell her, "We can go out to dinner after the show then." I leave her at that as I go out onto the stage and dance harder than I planned on, trying to make up for Ivory's collapse.

****

"You looked hot." Daisy tells me after I walk out to greet those who watched my performance.

"I was going for graceful, but thanks." I look around, trying to find Isaac. Instead, he finds me.

"Bel!" I hear him call from behind me.

"Isaac!" I cry smiling as he pulls me in for a hug. "I've missed you so much!"

"You were wonderful." He tells me a proud smile on his face.

"Thanks..." I trail off watching Ivory slip out of the building.

"Who is she?" Isaac asks, watching her with me.

"I don't know." I tell him truthfully. I've seen her, but don't know her.

"Your boyfriend will probably be afraid to hug you in front of me now." Isaac boasts after a pause he must have harassed Harry on the drive down.

"He was afraid to hug me without you around." I half lie. Harry and I have been less, affectionate lately, I've been weird, and he's been accommodating. It's kind of our relationship's motif.