Him

Ten- Night and Day

"Torture is not torture when there's any hope of relief"

My eyes widen. He couldn't have just said that. No, he wouldn't. I know he doesn't feel that way. He couldn't. It's only been six months, and we've only been together for a few of those.

I blink a couple times then look back up at him. He looks amazing standing in the wind, a black dress shirt on, four buttons undone. His black and purple hair flows like silk against his head. When you're this high up and on a balcony, it tends to get windy.

I'm standing on my balcony and Reid is on his. I blink once more, then say, "What?"

He takes in a breath then says, as clear as day, "I love you."

I walked away. If I hadn't walked away none of this would have happened. I sound like an egotistical asshole saying that, but I wish I hadn't walked away because I felt the same. I still feel the same.

I can never tell him now. He's dead and I beat myself up because I take responsibility. But I didn't only just walk away...

"You're the only person I've ever felt this way about, I've been scared to tell you. My last girlfriend kind of freaked out on me anytime I mentioned feelings."

My eyes continue to widen and I find myself sitting down on the balcony. I let my legs hang over the edge. Then I just start laughing.

I'll never be able to fully understand why I started laughing. It was awful of me, but I wasn't laughing at him, I was laughing at myself. I felt the same, and I couldn't bring myself to say it. I wanted to so badly, but I couldn't even begin to comprehend why in the hell he loved me.

"You what?" I say through giggling breaths. "Why in the world would you love me? I'm practically a little girl compared to you. When we first met, I thought you would come to hate me." I look up at him, he's sunk down to the floor too and is holding my hands through the fencing.

"I-I can't right now," I say with tears now brimming my eyes. My laughter has since passed and I feel like breaking into sobs. I stand up and run into the apartment. I close the glass door and slide down it, knowing he is probably still crouching on his balcony, hands outstretched.

Tears make their way down my face and I cup my hands around my head. My fingertips lightly touch my hair and I can feel individual strands of hair sweeping across my calluses.

I turn my head slightly to see his hair shimmering in the moonlight. I break out into convulsing sobs. After about an hour I stand up and go to the kitchen to get water for my dry throat. As the water pours into my glass from the fridge, I turn to see that Reid is no longer outside. The lights in his apartments have since been turned off and I don't see his silhouette in the living room.

All of a sudden I hear someone walking into the apartment, Kyle looks at me with sad eyes, "He wanted me to tell you to go down to the lobby". Our apartment building has a lobby with a few couches and a small round the clock bar, Reid and I meet there sometimes. He always gets a Gin and tonic or a Martini, he has a thing for Gin.

I walk out of the elevator and see him eyeballing the drink in his hand, it is not one of his usuals. It's brown and looks syrupy and I can almost smell it from here- Whisky. He once told me he only drinks Whisky as sort of a "comfort" alcohol, so pretty much, he drinks it to get wasted.

I walk over to him and I can see his gaze following me. "Whisky?" I ask once I find myself standing next to him.

"Usually what I drink when someone laughs at me after I tell them I love them," he snaps. I let out a disgruntled breath.

"I love you too," I say shyly.

"Hah, imagine that, what brought you to that conclusion?" He asks more in anger than pure curiosity. He signals to the bartender, one finger up. Within seconds his glass is being filled with more of the mephitic, brown liquid.

I look down, "I wasn't laughing at you... I was laughing at myself for having the inability to tell you how I feel back, I love you, and I now have the courage to say it." I look at his hair, now more disheveled than it was when I saw him an hour ago. He runs his fingers through his hair, the reason it looks the way it does now. His shirt still the same as it was an hour ago, four buttons undone and his usual tucked in black necklace peeking out of it.

He looks at me his eyes glimmering with something and all of a sudden his lips are connected to mine like magnets. My eyes flutter closed as I kiss him back. He pulls away and rests his forehead on mine. "Come with me," he whispers.

We stumble into his apartment three minutes later, lips attached and hands roaming each other. I start unbuttoning his shirt and he pulls off mine. I feel an overwhelming amount of emotions sweep over me as he lies me down on his bed. I finally get his shirt off and I take a moment to just look at him. His eyes burn with passion and love. His physique has never failed to surprise me, he has a wonderfully toned, muscular body that is able to wrap around me and make me feel safe. I put my hand on his chest, right over his heart. His pulse is sky high with adrenaline, as mine probably is as well.

He's gentle, completely gentle. It fills me with love more so than lust which is always how I wanted it to be with him. It's how I always thought it would be. "I never thought we'd be anything less than amazing," he whispers, and I feel his love consume me.