Him

Chapter Nine- Rivers and Funerals

I set the flowers down next to the tree which has now become his memorial. I look at the water and tears prick my eyes. This is the river. The river they think he died in.

They say his fascination with water and death got the best of him.

I sit with Kyle and Shauna, his family walks over to us. "You were close with him?" His mother asks. I nod but keep my chin close to my chest.

I feel a tear drop on my dress. "How did you know him?"

"We were really good friends, he lived next door," I reply nonchalantly.

"You're Phoenix," his little sister says bluntly. I nod again. "This is your fault," she growls through gritted teeth. I look up and the tears fall faster. Her mother slaps her arm then drags her away from us.

'What did I do?' I think. Kyle pats me on the back and gives me a sad look. I ask Shauna if we can go see his body.

She gives me a sad look, "I'm sorry, it's closed casket. Apparently, his body was... you know what, never mind, but um... yeah they have it closed, he's apparently not even recognizable."

I think back to what the police said: "I'm sorry, Phoenix, but your friend Reid Dubeon is quite possibly dead." There it is again. The possibility that never leaves my mind. The fact that he could still be out there. It's not likely, but it's there. Quite possibly dead. But you'd think they would do a DNA test.

"What if it's not his body?" I turn my head to Shauna, "Did they even do a DNA test?"

She sighs, "There really wasn't much left to test, and they couldn't get any solid results."

I cry harder, "maybe just a little bit of his hair left, a fingerprint, a blood sample, even a piece of clothing! There has to be something."

She shakes her head as tear rolls down her face. "We'll never know whether or not it's him we're burying him today."

Not something I tend to think of often. I still wonder if it was his body. That's the reason I don't go to the grave to lay flowers and talk to him because I might be talking about my problems to a total stranger. So I stick with the river in which they think he died, at least that's where they found the body. It's more of a general place even if this isn't where he died, at least this was a spot that we loved to hang out by.

I start walking along the stream, no headphones needed, just the sound of birds and the river. I find myself normally needing headphones to get through the day, but the feeling of him close to my side helps, the river helps. It's almost an embodiment of him. He loved this river, and if he is dead, I know this is where he'd want to do it, so in a way, it makes sense.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pull it out and answer it, a deep voice is on the other end of the line.

"Hey, this is Eric, the guy you ran into a few days ago," he inquires.

I smile, "What's up?"

"Not much, just wondering if you want to go out to dinner tomorrow night?"

I look at the river, then down at my feet. A butterfly flaps passed me. "Sure."

"Great, I'll pick you up at 7 tomorrow night," and with that, he hangs up.

I come to a spot in the river where the water stands still and algae grows. Sitting on a rock, I put my face in my hands, "I'm sorry, Reid."

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I open the door to my apartment and slip inside, in hopes of not making any noise. I look at the oven clock, it reads 11:00 p.m. I slip passed Cassie and Kyle's rooms and into my own. Right as my door closes, I slide down it. I close my eyes to let a tear escape, and when I open them again, I can feel more building up.

I go to my window and look into the murky streets of L.A. So much pollution. Reid and I would always go a few miles out of the city, just to maybe get a glimpse of the stars. I still do it to this day, it feels different, knowing he's not around. I'm not a religious person, but I always hope that he's "close". I guess it comforts me. He came into my life and then left almost as quickly. I had grown to not know what it felt like without him, that's the only thing I regret, not distancing myself a little bit that night. That dreadful night. Most people wouldn't see a night like that as dreadful, but it made everything harder. So much harder.

I remember it as if it were yesterday.

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Short chapter I'm sorry. It's been awhile, how is everyone?

I'll try to update more frequently.

-xLil