Captain Swan ~ Oneshots

14. There Is Still Light In You (5x04)

Whisper. Unbearable whisper. Voices that were calling for her. The dagger that was calling for her. These voices had just started an hour ago, but they were already driving her insane. Tiredly, Emma closed her eyes and leaned against the backrest of the couch she was sitting in. She wondered if every Dark One had to go through that.

After Henry and Killian had offered to take her somewhere quiet when the voices in her head had started, she limply had accepted. This darkness insde her took almost every energy of her, or more precisely the fight against the darkness insde her. Yes, she must admit that it was tempting not just to give in to it, but she had to resist. For her family, but also for herself. 

Now Henry was searching for something in his temporary room, so Emma and Killian were sitting on a couch next to the entrance of Arthur's palace, waiting for him. Since Emma had almost hit Killian with her magic earlier, she hadn't said a word. She had remained quiet, terrified how close she had been to hurt someone she really cared about. 

"Love, talk to me." Killian suddenly said. He couldn't bear thr silence between them, and even if he understood the mood she was in, he just had to know how she was feeling. 

Emma opened her eyes, lifting her head. But she didn't dare to look at him. "What shall I say?" she whispered, startled how raucous and rough her voice sounded.  

"How are you feeling, can I help you somehow?" Killian sighed, noticing her staring at the wall in front of them. "Please Emma, look at me. Talk to me. Don't push me away, not now." 

Slowly, Emma turned her head around. She could see the care and worry in his face. "I'm not pushing you away." she answered, colder that intended. "I'm just....dealing sith stuff." she continued a little morr soft, repeating the words she had said to him just before the Snow Queen had appeared in Storybrooke a long time ago. What had he answered? There is always a crisis. Yes, that was right. There was no week she could've just sat on the couch at home and watched a movie. There was just always a crisis. 

"I'd love to help you dealing with that stuff." Killian whispered, putting his hand on her hand. Slowly, he caressed the back of her hand with his thumb. 

Emma looked down at their hands. He was there for her, he was supporting her even if she was the Dark One. Her heart filled with joy, but at the same time her heart started to ache. Darkness didn't allow happiness. These two things just didn't match, there exists just one direction, not two. Like field lines just go in one direction. 

Again, the voices in her head started to grow louder, making her feel dizzy. Quickly, she took away her hand and closed her eyes. No, she couldn't struggle against then anymore. She was too weak to do anything. 

"Swan, look at me." Killian put his fingers under her chin, assuming that she was trying to fight back these voices again. "Don't listen to then, ignore them. Look at me, okay?" He lifted her head and turned it so that she had to look at him. 

Fluttering, Emma opened her eyes again. Killian's blue eyes were almost shining in the darkness, and somehow they were giving her hope. And for a moment, she managed to blend out these voices. "They're driving me insane, these voices in my head. I can't go any longer." Emma whispered desperately, her eyes watering. 

"Oh love." Killian quickly wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, pulling her into a big hug. Emma thankfully wrapped her arms around him, and for the first time after a long time she felt safe. For a moment she could forget that she was the Dark One, that the darkness was trying to occupy her, that she wasn't able to just be in peace for a moment. Tears were pouring down her cheeks, but she didn't mind. She didn't mind that Killian would see her crying, she just allowed her feelings overwhelm her.