How I Killed Her

Chapter 04 : If Only I Died

I wake up to see Tyler standing beside the hospital bed. He has a card and some flowers. No one would ever understand how hard it would be to hold back these tears. Not tears of joy, but tears from my broken heart. He doesn't love me. He's just doing what boyfriends should do. For the first time, I want something real. I want to be loved. I want to love. My life is one big pile of fake. It's not worth anything.

"Aw how sweet of you Tyler!" My voice cracks of emotion, but we all pretend it never happened.
"It's nothing baby. I'd do anything for you."

The words that we say have no meaning. We don't mean what we say. Just puppets of society. What is love? Do we even have meaning in our lives? I feel like I can't get out of this mess. Maybe this life is all I'm meant to know. I'll be nothing more than just this fake person I turned out to be.

The prescriptions I'm on make me drift in and out. I'm here, but I'm not. I'm just glad Katherine isn't here anymore. She's probably out with some other guy. She'll say that she only loves her beloved husband. She doesn't love him. She only married him for his money. He's never home, Katherine gets to do whatever she wishes. He would never even know.

I feel like the nurses forgot to give me one of my doses. I'm wide awake and in a lot of pain. The doctors come into the room to tell me that I'm not getting any better and they have to preform some surgeries. They recently fixed my broken ribs, but I still can't move. My mind is still pretty screwed up. "Thanks Katherine!" The thought comes into mind. She's never beat me this hard before. It's almost like she tried to kill me. Sometimes I wish she did. I wish I was dead. It's crazy for me to wish for such a thing, but it would make me feel relieved. Relieved I don't have to pretend anymore, I could be free from this life. If only I died.