subsequently||a.i.

Prologue (subsequently)

Prologue

I'm not going to sugar coat anything, what we had. It was special, magnificent even. No, not the evil fairy from sleeping beauty who cast the spell on Aurora at a young age but beautiful our love was, breathtaking. If I'm being completely honest, just like I said I wouldn't sugar coat anything, clothes on or off you nearly never surprised me by taking my breath away.

In our relationship, not perfect but not imperfect either we had our ups and down. You hit me, I certainly didn't mean to hit you. We dealt with it, we never gave up on one another and if I were in your shoes I would of kick myself in the balls, walk out the door and called the cops once I laid that hand on your elegant face.

Now that I think about it, I mean really think about it. It doesn't surprise me you left. Well I can't put the entire blame on you. I told you to go that day. You had to of known though, you just had to of known when I begged you with tears streaming down my face to go. I didn't mean to actually go. I wanted you to tell me to get my act together, like you usually did. Lace your fingers through my hair pushing it back behind my ear. (I really did need a hair cut, I promised you two months before that day I'd get one. Sorry off topic). Push my hair behind my ear rubbing my temple hush me to calm down and say gently "I'm not going anywhere".

Like I said once, you can't expect relationships to be like the one you see in movies. All them sugar coat it, break up then find one another again or in those fuck buddy ones they fall for one another. That doesn't happen, it just doesn't. Love works in mysterious ways but those movies are absurd, they are fictional.

You always loved them, and I loved watching you watch them. When you became too involved in the characters and one dies or they go through a terrible fight that you get choked up or let your precious tears roll down your cheek and onto your pillow.

I don't know how you got so wrapped up in those movies, they were foolish. So were you though, you were foolish to think you could change me. No matter the times you told me you saw me changing and the countless of times my mothers face would light up and she'd whisper "you're changing him" (I know I shouldn't of been ease dropping but let's be honest she's not very good with keeping her voice low). Even foolish to fall for me, why the hell did you fall for me? I asked you this many of times you just told me "because you're you, you have this good heart behind your act" it wasn't an act, it was me. It wasn't a guard I held up after my dad left that you insisted was the reason and I finally agreed because it annoyed the complete fuck out of me (excuse my language I know you hated it when I cussed) you shouldn't of fell for me. I told you in the beginning and I'm telling you now.

If I had to pick one thing out of our relationship that wasn't a complete obvious lie it had to be that I loved you. Before you even actually told me you had feeling which honestly made me nervous as hell when you told me. My palms were sweaty, my body felt shaky and truthfully I was ready to vomit on you but I swallowed it. I along with it swallowed my pride, I didn't care what anyone thought of me when I said I love you back. I ruined my reputation but I didn't care at all. Just the sound of your name had my heart beating. I could say it all day long. Just like you told me once "my name rolls off your tongue so right" it was supposed to be innocent and cute but it was the most sexual/ sexiest thing I have ever heard.

I won't get in so deep with my sexual past because I know how that makes your blood boil and Jesus how hot you were when you got angry. Let's just say I had a lot of sexual intercourse before you started to become my girl. If I were you before you allowed me in your pants I would of got me tested. (Kidding, kidding it was a joke). If you ever read this and please don't just ignore this letter. God please give me a sign that you ripped it up when you see the address and sender but in case you don't just know
I love you, and I always will. Sincerely Ashton fletcher Irwin