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Chapter Seven
I was there for your grandmothers funeral, I mean I came a bit late maybe an hour into the ceremony. You spammed my phone while I was at a pub drinking. I was not very stable but drove to the church anyway.
It was the middle of December and I was only in a t-shirt and jeans, I was freezing my ars off but the alcohol in my system made me a bit warmer. I wore sunglasses to hide my bloodshot eyes and I saw you fiddling with your fingers in the first row.
Placing myself in the chair next to you holding your hand putting it on my lap, I went in to kiss your cheek but you turned away. "Ashton really? Alcohol?" You scuffed.
You couldn't tell but I rolled my eyes under the glasses. "It's five in the afternoon, how the hell did you get here drunk?" She questioned me her mother hushing her.
"I drove" I simply replied, you walked away and maybe if I wasn't so fucking drunk I would have followed after you but I couldn't. My legs felt wobbly before and I really didn't feel like falling at a funeral.
I was never good with funerals yet I went, for you, I went. You weren't even thankful, then again I was slurring my words as I spoke about how much of a bitch, she was in the beginning to me.
No one laughed, no one found it funny and I was there laughing at my own speech looking like an arshole. You yelled at me so much after that, you were so disappointed saying how much of a mean drunk I was.
Asking me how I could be so cruel, a few days later it was Christmas and you had yet texted me or reply to my sorry. As I sat on our apartment couch with the tree we set up weeks before that was decorated with string popcorn and special ornaments I realized how lonely I truly was.
Memories flashed to us sitting on the couch with the bowl of popcorn on our small table in front as you started stringing the popcorn on, most of the pieces you threw at me because I was on my phone not giving you attention.
I ate most that fell on the couch, and then when you finally gave up focusing on getting the pieces through onto the string. I threw the bowl across the room and before you got the chance to yell I kissed you.
I kissed you with such a passion and I didn't realize until I was sitting on my couch alone that Christmas how completely and utterly lost I was without you.
I rang your phone at least twenty times after that flash black, I needed you. I'm so fucked up I know that but baby we're both fucked up. We're human we can fuck up, you just have to learn to forgive.
You constantly were though I guess you got sick of the back and forth.
