Lost and Insecure

six

Chapter 6

I am so pissed off right now, I don't even know what to do. I can't believe Drew, oh my gosh. I thought I was supposed to be able to trust and confide in him? And he blows up in my face. What the actual fuck.

So I was in my room with Drew and the kitty, drawing and listening to music, not really talking to him I admit but I didn't have headphones. It's not like I was completely ignoring him... Then all of a sudden he gets all PMS-y and yells at me for being sad all the time. Excuse him, but he's not the one who is SUICIDAL AND JUST LOST HIS MOTHER SO HE HAS NO ROOM TO TALK!

His exact words:

"Delilah, I am fucking sick and tired of this shit now. I was on vacation for a fucking while and then when I get home and buy you a kitten even, you BARELY EVEN TALK. I know you just lost your mother but I don't understand how you can still be this depressed over it because you weren't even that fucking close to her!! I remember all the times you would come running and crying to my house because of your bitch of a mother upset you!! So you should definitely NOT be upset about her death. I feel like you don't even care that we were separated for a long time because we have BARELY EXCHANGED 50 WORDS SINCE I GOT BACK AND YOU KNOW WHAT?! I'M DONE!" He yells in my face, getting angrier and angrier with each syllable. Every single word cuts into my already shattered heart like knives.

"You've always been quiet for the most part, but what the fuck. Now you're like a statue. I haven't heard you laugh or seen you smile since I got back. You think you're the only one suffering right now, but guess what sweetheart, YOU'RE FUCKING NOT. I can't stand you lately. I get it, you're in 'mourning' and shit but you know what? It's too much of this depressing shit."

That's what really pissed me off. "Well maybe if you supported me in these hard times, I would feel like you actually care about me! But I guess you don't, do you? All this time we've been best friends and you choose RIGHT FUCKING NOW to 'enlighten me' on how you feel. Great. Shows how much this friendship means to you!! I could use some compassion right now because yeah, you're right, I am in mourning. My own mother just died! You expect me to shake that off like it's nothing?! Hell no!" I narrow my eyes at him, my fists clenching and heart racing with the anger I felt from the depths of my entire being.

"And you don't have the fucking right to talk about my mother like that, HONEY. So what if we weren't besties, she was my mother! If our places were switched, I would be by your side in an instant, being there for you every step of the way, no matter how infuriating it apparently is to you. BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T. So THANK YOU for letting me know, BFF!" I said, mustering up as much sarcasm as I can.

"You're fucking welcome, little ungrateful bitch," he said, his breathing getting heavier.

With those harsh words, tears began running down my face. "I can't believe you," I pathetically weeped.

"Can't believe what?! That I'm telling the truth? Would you rather me internally hate you and you never know? How would you feel about that, huh?" he smirked.

"Okay, you know what?! If you're only here to verbally abuse me, then leave. You know where the door is. Just leave and don't come back. Because you obviously don't care," I told him angrily.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. I can't stand to be in your filthy presence anymore," he spat at me and stood to leave my room.

When he was almost out the door, I spoke again. "Just tell me one thing, Drew. How long have you hated me?" I sniffled, not caring how weak and vulnerable I looked anymore.

"Just recently. Don't worry, your whole life hasn't been a lie," he said harshly and turned back and left, and I followed him to the top of the stairs and watched him angrily storm downstairs.

"Goodbye." I said with as much dignity as I could and then turned away before I could break down again, and went directly to the bathroom and shut the door and locked it. I listened for the loud bang of the door slamming that I knew would come, but surprisingly it didn't. Shaking my head as I washed my face free of my tears and running mascara, I took a couple deep breaths.

I am still livid, but I am also extremely hurt. And sad. How could he say that to me, without feeling remorse over my tears? Did I really not matter to him? Maybe I don't matter to anyone anymore. Maybe I should just die.

Shaking, I open the medicine cabinet and rummage through, seeing what's in my inventory. My shaking hands reach for the bottle of pills that will most likely end it fast and without pain, although I probably deserve the most painful, slow death in the world. No matter. What counts is that I will finally be gone.

Breathless.

Lifeless.

Like everyone wants me.

I let out a sob before sucking it up and opening the bottle and spilling half the contents into my hand, not caring how many pills I took. I'm just taking my life, it doesn't matter. Neither does my life.

I quickly make a glass of water, wanting to end this quickly. Just then, someone pounds on the door forcefully. Probably Drew, I think absentmindedly. He won't care if I die. That's what he wants me to do. So I just tune out the noise of him now repeatedly ramming into the door and shouting my name. Paying no mind, the tears stream down my face and I put the pills in my mouth and take a huge gulp of water. I lean against the wall and slide down to the floor, waiting for my heartbeat to slow and my breath to fade and my life to slip away. I close my eyes as the vertigo takes over and my head swims.

Just before the blackness takes over, Drew busts in and lets out a guttural shout as he sees me on the floor with the last tears on my cheeks and crouches next to me, crying also.

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cliffhangerr. comment and vote for a faster update.

btw if the cussing bothers you, just let me know and i can change it. im not really sure if i want that much cussing in it but i feel like it adds to the drama of it all idk.

guess the song for dedication:

"its like im wakin up to

only half a blue sky

kind of there but not quite

walkin round with just one shoe"

~ nicole xx