The Shoey Diaries

Chapter 6 - All My Fault

Chapter 6 - All My Fault

*Shane's POV*

I was so angry that I was shaking. The tears kept blurring my vision and I kept swatting them away. But to no avail, my eyes kept filling with them. How could Joey? After everything that happened? I've loved him for so long, I thought he felt the same! It's one thing for Sawyer to kiss him and for him to pull away, but Joey kissed him back. And was into it! I couldn't believe him. Joey jumped up and tried to explain but I wasn't listening. My eyes were on Sawyer. He was looking at the floor; Playing the part of the victim perfectly. Poor Sawyer, This must be hurting him so much. If he really loved Joey, like I did, he would've said something sooner! I couldn't believe either one of them.

Joey: Shane? Do you hear me? I'm so Sorry! It wasn't like this at all--

I cut Joey off by shouting, "It was too like this! You could've pulled away, Did that thought ever occur to you?! You let him kiss you, And you kissed back! How. Could. You." 

I clenched and unclenched my fists. I knew I was overreacting. But Joey meant a lot to me. It felt like my heart was being pulled in all different directions until it shattered. My lungs felt like they were closing in on themselves; Rejecting oxygen. Pleading with me just to give up. I didn't know if this pain was real or thought up. Either way, It showed how much Joey meant to me. And he threw it all away! 

Joey was silent. Sawyer looked up at me. He didn't look sorry. He looked drained. Sad. How dare he feel that way?! He was the one who caused this! Why didn't he just leave us be?! 

Shane: You asshole! 

I shouted and charged for Sawyer as he stood up swiftly. I knew Sawyer could kick my ass any day, but I was going to fight for what I was worth. 

Shane: Douchebag, How could you! 

I landed a punch to his face. He let me hit him. He didn't punch back. He didn't do anything but try and hold my fists in place. But I was on a roll. I hit him repeatedly in the chest. I felt bad for hitting him, really, considering what hell I used to go through when I was a teenager. But I've never felt an anger like this.

Joey: Shane...Please Shane, stop. 

Shane: You ask me to stop?! You started it, Let me finish it! 

After a while, my punches became pats and Sawyer just stood there and let me hit him. With one last puny hit to his chest, I sank to the ground and put my head in my hands. I knew my anger would soon recede and I'd be left feeling barren. And empty. I just didn't know if I could handle it. I sobbed into my hands and I could sense what had to be Joey kneel beside and rub my back. I knew it was just a kiss. Joey didn't admit to loving Sawyer. It was just a little kiss. But it felt like the end of the world. I started a silent mantra in my head until I realized I had been saying it out loud the whole time. Two words repeated over and over again on a constant loop, "I'm Sorry." 

* Joey's POV *

Shane had no idea how bad I felt. I tried to stop him from hitting Sawyer but all Sawyer did was shrug, as if saying, "Let me handle it." 

This was all my fault. I shouldn't have listened to Sawyer. I should've stayed in bed. Mistake Number One. Mistake Number Two, Kissing Back. Mistake Number Three, Letting Shane catch us. Mistake Number Four, Letting Shane get this bad. Mistake Number Five, Not stopping him from hitting Sawyer. I was the worst person in the world.

I focused on rubbing Shane's back and letting him get it all out. He kept muttering, "I'm Sorry." I had no idea why. This was my fault. He finally stopped talking. He stopped shaking, too. He lifted his head and looked straight at me, Tears streaking his face. 

Shane: This isn't happening. This is a dream. I'll wake up soon. 

I shook my head. Sawyer was on the floor, too, leaning against the wall Shane backed him up against. I felt so awful. I lead Sawyer on plus hurt Shane. What am I doing?

Joey: Shane, honey...I'm sorry. This is happening.

Shane: No it's not. Quit lying to me.

Joey: Shane..Do you want to go back to sleep? We can talk about this tomorrow.

Shane: No. I want to wake up, Don't you get it?

Had Shane finally cracked? I looked over at Sawyer, who had his eyes on Shane. 

Sawyer: Shane, I'm sorry. 

Shane: Shut up, Just shut up! Stop talking! 

Joey: Shane, just listen to us? Why are you freaking out? We can talk about it..

Shane: As if it isn't obvious! You betrayed me! I loved you, Joey! And Sawyer, you were my bestfriend! All you people do is betray me! Why? I never did anything to you! 

He was right. He was all too right. And it broke my heart. I couldn't imagine how he must be feeling. 

Sawyer: Shane...I never should have done what I did..

Shane: No shit.

I couldn't tell if Shane was still angry or if he was just sad or disappointed...I couldn't tell. And I could always tell what was wrong with Shane. This bothered me. 

Joey: Shane? 

Shane looked back to me. His eyes reflected sadness yet it was mixed with love. I knew he couldn't hate me..

Joey: I'm sorry.

Shane nodded. "I know." He whispered, our eyes still connected.

Joey: Will you ever forgive me?

He nodded. I knew it'd take time. I pecked his lips softly. He didn't push me away or scream at me. He stayed silent, just looking at me. He sniffed as his crying almost stopped. I truly loved Shane, I didn't know why I kissed Sawyer back. I guess I was in the moment, plus I was still half asleep. I was praying that him forgiving me didn't take long. I also knew Shane would have to learn to trust me again. We were only together for a day but it felt like an infinity. I loved him for forever even before we were together...I guess that's why it hurts so damn much. But I couldn't blame us having to reconstruct our relationship on anyone else but me. If I lost him, I couldn't blame anyone else but me. If he hated me, I couldn't blame anyone else but me. And if he never forgave me, I couldn't blame anyone else but me. This was All My Fault. 

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I'm sorry for updating so late! I promised to update again and here it is! I know it isn't a happy chapter or anything, but it's here. Ugh, I'm getting tired of Sad endings. I promise I'll make one of the next chapters, if not the next one, have a happy or slightly happy ending. Anyway, Thanks so much for Reading and I hope you guys liked it! :)

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