The Shoey Diaries

Chapter 27 - I'm Sorry, Joey.

Chapter 27 - I'm Sorry, Joey.

* Sawyer's POV *

I felt horrible. After Tyler and I had visited Shane and Joey two days ago and Joey filled us in on what the doctor's had been saying, I felt even worse than I had before. And I didn't think that was possible. Shane might not live... Because of me! 

What if he died hating me? That'd be the worst feeling in the world to know your old best friend died resenting you. No, I take that back. That's the second worst feeling. The first worst feeling, Is when the person you love died. I couldn't imagine how Joey was feeling. I was just glad he didn't hold it against me. 

 "Tyler?" I called. It was early in the morning and he was on his phone; Switching between Twitter and Tumblr. I usually just watched him, it was quite amusing. But today, I couldn't just watch without saying what was on my mind. "Can we go see Shane and Joey? One last time..?" I didn't need to explain to him why I pitched on the "one last time". We both knew the chances of Shane surviving another week if the surgery failed was slim. 

* Joey's POV *

It had been four days since Shane had been in the hospital. After Doctor Morton explained his dilemma to me, They moved him to a normal room. The surgery was yesterday and they were still waiting on the results. 

Shane had been given a shitload of medication a little less than an hour ago, and he was still high off of them. It was interesting to watch. "Shut the hell up!" Shane shouted; for the tenth time. He had been arguing with his heart monitor for the past thirty minutes. It was cute. "Shane, baby, it's telling you that you're alive." I said; my voice clogged with sleepiness. I hadn't had more than five hours of sleep since Shane had been admitted; I was too nervous to sleep. So I stayed up and watched Shane while he slept, not to be creepy. It gave me peace of mind to see his chest rise and fall and just know that he was still breathing. 

"Well, tell it to shut up. It can tell you that I'm still alive but I'm trying to have a conversation!" He snapped; sounding extremely sassy. Oh, and that conversation was with his toes. 

I knew I should've been thinking about how to say goodbye to him, in case the results to his surgery came back negative. If they did come back negative; He'd only have about five days left. Regardless, I was going to make my time with him count. I wasn't going to focus on the negatives. "You know I love you, right?" I asked and Shane's eyes landed on me. For a second, He wasn't under the influence of the medication. It was just Shane looking at me, Just Shane. "I know... You know I love you too, right?" 

I nodded and then crazy Shane was back. "Steve, quit picking on Jerome!" He pointed a finger at his feet; poking out from the bottom of the hospital blanket. It was hard to hold in a laugh. Even if he was on too much medicine, I knew that this was the way Shane would act in his videos. And that gave me a sense of comfort, Even if it was kind of crazy. I was just happy to be seeing a part of Shane... I was just happy to know he was still here. 

* Sawyer's POV *

"Maybe this was a bad idea..." I uttered for the fifth time. Tyler rolled his eyes. "It is not a bad idea. You heard Joey, you saw him getting emotional. If this is it for Shane, it's important we go see him." This was one of those rare moments where Tyler was serious. I knew he was right. He pulled into the hospital's ER lot, driving around to the ICU. He parked and we got out; Heading into the ICU wing. We were greeted by a cheerful looking receptionist. I think she was just trying to make the visitors feel better but she annoyed me from the start. "We're here to see Shane Dawson." Tyler said and she started clicking away on her keyboard. "Go Ahead." She said, motioning down the corridor. She probably saw on her files that we'd been here before and that we knew the room number. 

Walking down the hall, We heard Shane even before we made it to his room. "Fuck off, Steve! I am tired of your attitude!" I barked out a laugh and glanced at Tyler, who shrugged. He looked to be holding in a laugh. Maybe this would be a good day for Shane. 

We knew he'd have good and bad days up until the inevitable end and when Shane had good days, Joey had good days. It was almost like everything was normal, Except we were in the hospital awaiting Shane's fate. Which sucked, of course, but we couldn't change a shitty situation. 

Once we made it to the room, We saw Shane sending death glares to his toes and a red-faced Joey holding in laughter. This was definitely one of the rare good days. "Hey Guys." Joey said, taking a deep breath. "Hey!" Tyler said, sitting in a chair next to Joey. I fiddled with my fingers for a few seconds then glanced  at Joey, "Can we talk?" I asked and he nodded.

I stepped outside of the room and he followed. I sighed and glanced down at the floor. "What is it?" Joey demanded, looking at me with concern in his eyes. I wish he wasn't worried about me, He was the one in all of the pain. Him and Shane, anyway. And it was all because of me. 

"I'm Sorry, Joey." Was all I said. I looked up at him, to see tears in his eyes. He shrugged. "It's okay... I don't blame you. We're cool... I just wish it didn't have to be this way." A tear spilled over and dripped down his cheek and he quickly swiped it away. He went back inside the room and I slumped against the wall. I heard laughter from Tyler and I knew Shane had done something else hilarious but I couldn't make myself go back in there. Not knowing that Shane had a 50/50 chance of living. I just hoped Joey knew how sorry I was. 

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I've got one more chapter to post but I'm not posting it until 7 ;) It'll kill me not to post it... but I'm forcing myself to wait ._. And you guys are gonna hate me for this next chapter... But oh well. It has to be done ;D

Thanks for Reading & Voting; May the odds be ever in your favor, gooodbye! cx

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