Saviors

16

Jihoon looked frantically for Seokmin in the crowd of people walking in the slightly busy streets. I can't believe myself! I need to make sure he won't tell anyone! Finally spotting him at the front of the group, Jihoon pushed through his members. Seokmin was standing a bit behind Seungcheol, his hand poised and ready to tap his shoulder. Seokmin hesitated a bit too long and Jihoon grabbed his arm.

"You can't tell anyone." He said in a low voice, not wanting his members to hear. Seokmin looked down at him in surprise.

"Why?" Jihoon didn't answer him. He let the crowd of members separate him from Seokmin and found himself in the middle of the group.

Jihoon glanced around at his members. None of them seemed to notice the strange exchange he had with Seokmin. They were all laughing and talking and having a good time. Mingyu's arm was thrown over Wonwoo's shoulders, and Jun's was over Minghao's. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were walking so close to each other that their hands brushed with every step. Everyone else was chatting. Why did I do this to myself? Why can't I be close to someone? He had the strangest urge to give up and start crying, then and there. But he couldn't let his members see him cry. He couldn't let them get close either.

   Soonyoung seemed to notice that Jihoon was upset because he dropped back to talk to him. Soonyoung always seemed to notice when Jihoon was out of it.

   "You okay?" Jihoon looked at him, terror rising in his throat. He couldn't do this. Not now. He couldn't stand being next to another human being for another minute. He needed to be alone. He needed to get out. He didn't even know why.

   "I-I," his breathing got faster and faster. He was almost hyperventilating, "I need to go home. I can't do this. Not now. Tell everyone I-I'm walking back." Jihoon turned around to start walking in the other direction. Soonyoung grabbed his hand. Jihoon yanked it away but stopped anyways.

   "Do you want me to come back with you?"

   "No! No." And with that, he turned and ran.

   Jihoon slammed the door behind him, and locked it for good measure. He slid down the wood and grabbed his head in his hands.

   "Why?" He sobbed, "why do I have to get a panic attack now. Of all days!" His tiny body shook with the force of the sobs that tore through him, leaving him raw.

   Eventually he stopped sobbing. He laid curled up on the floor. Tears dripped out of his glassy, unblinking eyes and onto the wood in a tiny little puddle. His body still shook, from the shuddering breaths he took, and, curled up on the cold floor, he fell asleep.

   "Hon, your-your sister is here." I looked up at some social worker who's name I didn't remember. I clenched my jaw and looked away.

   "So?"

   "Well, don't you want to see her? You haven't seen her for eight years."

   "I barely remember her. What do I want with I sister that I barely remember?" Another worker came up and whispered into the first one's ear.

   "I really think you should go see her. She's asking for you." I shrugged and glared at my shiny black shoes. The lady took that as a yes and gently took me by the arm to guide me to her. To her. I didn't want to admit it, but I was nervous. And a little bit excited. She left when I was four and eight years had passed. I wanted to know what she was like. But I didn't want them to know that. I yanked my arm away from the smiling social worker.

   "I can walk on my own, I'm not a baby. I don't need your help." I snapped. She nodded.

   "Of course." She was trained to deal with kids like me. Kids who's parents are dead and want to lash out at the world because of it.

   She was there. Right there. She was tall and had nice hair, I guess. She turned around to look at me, tears in her eyes. My stomach churned. She looked so much like him, well prettier. Anyone who looked like him must've sinned in the past. She rushed up to hug me. I stepped back.

   "Jihoon, Jihoon do you remember me?" She asked, misinterpreting my action. I told her the truth.

   "Hardly."

   "Oh, you've changed so much. You've gotten so big." The tears rolled freely now, down her cheeks. My face was stoney. "I now that I've come back at the worst moment possible, but I had to see you, when I heard the news."

   "You left us. You left me." I whispered. She didn't hear through her sobbing.

   We were guided down the rows of people in order to stand in the front. Everyone was silent as the casket was lowered into the dark hole. Tears dripped down the faces of the wives who's husbands were friends with my father. The only reason they were bawling there eyes out for someone they barely knew, was most likely for looks. It would look bad, publicly, if they showed their true emotion, or lack there of. I took pride in my dry eyes. The men were all gruff looking and I only recognized one. I barely suppressed the urge to puke when I saw that man's face. His son was there too. They saw me. The son, seven years older than me, waved, a sick smile on his face. I turned back to the ceremony in front of me. The pastor guy or whatever was speaking.

   "- died in a car accident while driving home from work. He has two loving children here today and will join his late wife in the earth." There was couple of sniffles, but other than that, it was quiet.

   After the funeral, many people came up to my sister and I, saying how sorry they were, and how unfortunate we were. I slipped away before the man and his son could come up and greet us.

   I wandered along the many graves, sometimes stopping to read the inscriptions carved into the stone. I stumbled across my grandmother. She was wandering as well. She was always wandering.

   "Oh hello deary. Who are you again? Jinwoo? Jiwoo?" I looked at her in disgust. I'm going to have to live with this old lady.

   "Jihoon." I had no time for a slightly senile old lady. I turned away.

   "Ah yes, the one with the scars and bruises." She said to me. I turned around slowly. I had never met her in person before, how could she have known? I was about to ask her but she was already tottering away.

   When I made it back to the funeral, most people had already left. My sister and I were loaded into a small gray car. I had a suitcase with me, she just had a backpack. She had been staying at a group home the last six months, and that was all she had. Before that, she told me, she was on the streets. I didn't really care.

   We were dropped off at a small dingy looking house. Our grandmother's house. This is where we would spend the rest of our days as children, unless we found a way to get out.

   Jihoon woke with a start. His body was sore from laying in the floor. He shakily pushed himself up and licked his chapped lips. He was still by the door. The rest of the members weren't home yet. He got some water and took a quick shower, to get the remnants of his dream off of him. Jihoon laid in bed and tried desperately to fall asleep. It was only nine o' clock.

----------------------------------------------------

Thank you all for all your support, I really appreciate the comments and likes.😁