b r e a t h e // phan

0.5

•phil•

My mum spent the rest of that day with me, as we were told that she wasn't allowed to stay the night in the hospital with me every single night. She said her gas money would be horrid to have to drive back and forth everyday, so we decided on once a week. Once a week on Sunday, my mum would visit me, and we would watch movies, talk, play a board game or two, and eat if she brought any food.

I was so happy that I was lucky enough to have a mother who would spend her time to come visit me and care for me. Plus, there was no telling what Lydia and my father might do. I don't know much about my father, but I do know that Lydia would go to the moon and back if that meant pleasing me. I loved her for it.

It was actually later that day that Lydia and my father came in with handfuls of balloons, armfuls of stuffed animals and sweet things like cookies or cake. They had brought some of my clothes and some belongings of mine. I giggled as I saw Lydia run it with a few of her toy cars, making engine noises and riding them through the air.

"Hello, Philip, I heard you're not feeling well," my father gave me an empathetic look, and hugged me as he gave me his get-well card and a small box of cookie cake from Lydia's birthday party that I missed today.

I greeted my father in response to him, then turned to Lydia, who was throwing the cars together, making them 'fight.' "Lydia, weren't you supposed to have your birthday party today?"

She stopped her playing and nodded at me.

"Why aren't you having it?" I asked, my eyebrows scrunched together.

"Because I love you a lot, and when Daddy told me you were sick, I was worried and wanted to come see you. Daddy cancelled it so we could come." Lydia, that little angel, she smiled at me, and I immediately felt terrible.

"What?" I protested, I turned to my father, "I don't want you to limit her childhood experiences because of me. You could've just visited tomorrow, it would've been okay."

He shrugged, "you can talk to her about that; she would not stop asking if she could come to see you and give you presents to make you better like you do to her."

I smiled sheepishly, a blush spreading to my face as I looked over at Lydia, who put her cars aside and is now watching the Harry Potter movie I had put in while eating cookies.

My family stayed pretty much the entire day; we all basically just chilled out, smiled, talked, laughed. You could clearly see that they were just trying to be happy for me when all they really wanted to do was cry, but I really did appreciate their efforts.

Around 8 o'clock, they decided to head out, because that's when visiting hours ended. I gave each of them the biggest hug imaginable (especially Lydia), and I told them I love them and they returned it, giving me a kiss. They walked out of my hospital room, and I was alone again.

My smile vanished as soon as I was alone, and I laid back against my pillow, huffing out slowly. I shut my eyes and just laid there, just thinking.

There was a question that popped into my mind earlier, but I never asked because I didn't want anything sad happening to my family today besides the devastating news. It was a question that sort of haunts people at night, especially when they are particularly close to their death:

When I die, what will be remembered of me?

Will I be remembered as the crazy-smart kid that could do college-level math in primary school? Well... No. Will I be remembered as the cool kid that was always laid back? Probably to my family, yes. But what really hurt me, was that at school, I wasn't going to be remembered for anything. I would be remembered as the one weird kid who was obsessed with anime and [un]fortunately had died from lung cancer.