b r e a t h e // phan

0.8

•dan•

"Well, of course there is good life left," Phil smiled, responding to my slightly depressing statements. I really need to stop making those statements, people are going to get worried about me if they aren't already. That leads to people feeling bad, so they overload me with conversation and empathy and care until I feel as though I'm sick, and it just makes me feel worse than I did in the first place.

I just breathed out in response, looking toward the screen which still had the title screen of Mario Kart showing with the theme song quietly playing. "Well," I grabbed my Wii controller, turning my attention to the screen. "that's enough depressing talk, it exhausts me. Let's play."

Phil's concerned glance at me was unwavering, keeping eye contact for a moment before smiling subtly, grabbing his remote and turning towards the TV. "Alright, Dan," his grin grew wider as he pressed the play button on the screen. "Let's play."

I found myself staring a little too long at his grin and unnoticeably smiled to myself. He got onto the next screen before I mentioned, "If I had, like, a top five skills in life, wrecking people in Mario Kart would probably be one of them."

Phil chuckled, rolling his eyes at my boast. "Talk all you want, Howell, but I'm going to win this."

I giggled slightly at his response, him watchig the screen as he navigated us both to the character screen.

I decided to mock him, stating with over-exaggeration, "Wow, I can't handle this fighting talk. 'I'm going to win this.' So scary, Phil."

Phil merely shook his head, a smile playing on his lips, tugging them upwards. I could tell he was trying to stay intent on being the slightest bit intimidating, but it wasn't working out too well for him. Phil was too joyous and upbeat to look intimidating, in my opinion.

As Phil got to the character selection screen, he gazed among the characters before choosing one, explaining, "I'm going to be the Tanooki Mario because I recently found out that raccoon dogs are a thing, and he's wearing the skin of one... so, I mean, that's..."

"A bit barbaric." I finished for him, and we both burst into laughter. His laugh was lovely, and I found myself staring at him as he leaned back, mouth opening wide as he let out chuckles, his tongue sticking out between his teeth and his eyes squeezing shut. He brought his hands up to his face, cupping the sides of it as he breathed out, calming himself down after the laugh.

The laugh was like music to my ears. It rang in the most sweetest way through my brain, had all the right features, and I only wanted to listen to it for the rest of my life.

I chose my character, deciding on one of Phil's Mii people, to which Phil commented on as 'boring.' We both chose the assets to our cars before going onto the level screen.

After browsing through some levels, Phil decided on a level called Sweet Sweet Canyon, which was basically just a whole mystical candyland that sort of reminded me of Phil's personality.

"The Sweet Sweet Canyon level is apparently based off of Wreck-It-Ralph..." I brought up when the word loading appeared across the screen as the level loaded. "At least that's what I've heard from all these websites I basically spent my life on until just recently."

Phil turned to look at me, "Why up until recently?"

I stayed silent for a moment, not wanting to make the conversation all depressing again. Only, Phil raised his eyebrows at me, ushering me to go on and answer. This boy was curious and determined to get his answers, I'll give him that.

I huffed and explained, "A few months ago, around the time I was supposed to have died, I realized right then how important life really was, and how I had taken so much of it for granted, just sitting on a laptop or on a phone or electronic of some sort all day instead of walking outside and just breathing for a moment. I never fully took advantage of life while I had it, and I felt terrible. So about three weeks before my due date, I took myself off of electronics and all that, and since I was stuck in my hospital room, I simply read books instead, or read the newspaper to catch up on local and world news. I used my imagination and covered half a journal in just doodles, and scribbles. I wrote down my feelings and my thoughts in that journal. I even wrote some poems and challenged myself with different writing prompts. Yes, there were the times when I was bored out of my mind, yet it didn't matter to me- I was living."