The Peacekeeper

Chapter 29

The two of them stayed out there under the starry sky, enjoying each other's company. They fed one another the tuna sandwiches (those were Karkat's favorite) Dave made in a semi-panicked rush and had a nice desert of multi-flavored jelly beans, the kind that range from flavors such as strawberry cheesecake to vomit although Dave was sure to pick out only the ones that tasted good. When it had finally gotten so cold that cuddling one another under a blanket couldn't help them, they packed their things and went back downstairs. 

Karkat took a relaxing, warm shower. His mind wandered to his life this past year. Like Dave said, he improved. A lot. He remembered those times when he would wake up in tears and shaking from dreams where he relived the senseless killing he used to do. The many faces of the innocent trolls that just happened to be taken under the control of The Persuader haunted his dreams. Those days he was too scared to walk out into the small living room and talk. No, instead he would stay locked in the room and allow his mind to toy with his latest nightmare. He'd allow himself to see Dave, the other Dave, standing there trying to convince him that he was better off gone. gone being either back on Beforus and working as a knight or dead. Either was fine just as long as he wasn't here.

Then there were nights where his nightmares were worse. Nothing gruesome in his dreams. No bloodshed or violence of any kind instead it was something more emotionally painful. He'd have dreams of himself just sitting alone in his old hive. A pile of papers in one corner and a pile of scrap metals in the other. Those dreams he was slow in realizing what was going on. He'd call out their names. "Sollux...? Equius...?" When there was no response he would rise and wander around. Soon enough after he had walked into a couple of empty rooms he'd realize what happened. 

In those dreams Karkat would wake up slowly, it was as if his eyes didn't want to open. His face was fairly wet from the tears and his lower lip would quiver. His mind toyed with him and made him believe either one or both of his old quadrantmates were there. Sollux would have his head leaned against Karkat's shoulder, Equius would be holding his moirail's hand gently. The entire time Karkat would quietly sob to himself, apologizing over and over again. 

Those dreams were the worst.

But now he didn't mind them. Now they didn't hurt him as much as they did before. Now he has the confidence in himself and others to actually talk about this shitty dreams and feelings and thoughts he constantly had. And now, everyday he wakes up with a smile on his face grateful to have someone he can talk to and even though that someone doesn't always have a response at least he's there. 

Karkat turned the water off and stepped out. As he dried himself off Karkat glanced over at the window. It was all fogged up from his shower. He stared at it a moment before wiping it clean with his slightly damp towel. Now he could clearly see himself and his still badly scarred body. 

It isn't that bad.

Yeah, it wasn't. Now looking at it it wasn't that bad. He remembered looking at it before and being disgusted with his scars, every single one representing a dark moment from his life but it was over now. It was okay now. His eyes continued wandering over his body, scanning every brand and scar in sight. His finger tips eventually grazed over the brands on his arms, specifically the two that classified him as one of the most important trolls in Beforus. 

"Karkat? You still in there? I seriously have to piss dude, I can't hold it any longer." The troll pulled his hand away from the sign forever engraved in his skin and began gathering his things before wrapping a towel around his waist.

When he was n bed, Karkat stared blankly up at the ceiling. He was shirtless this time which felt weird to him, he was used to having himself covered it most of the time. Plus Dave hasn't really spent so much time staring at Karkat's bare chest to get used to seeing his scars so it may be a bit awkward for him as well.