she was untouchable.

13 | first touch.

"What are you afraid of?" Zeke says out of nowhere. We were in his room taking a short break. We had been trying to hold manes for the last hour.

"The sense of touch." He scoffs as if that wasn't the answer he wanted. "What are you afraid of?" I push back.

"Falling in love... and maybe spiders." He says lying down on his back. I follow his actions laying down on the bed.

"Do you think..." I start to say.

"Do I think what?" He looks over at me.

"I was just wondering... do you think you could fall for someone you can't touch" I mumble looking up at the plain roof.

"Um" he coughs. oh no.

"Oh no I don't mean uh you specifically I just mean uh anyone. Yeah. Do you think that anyone could love someone they couldn't touch?" I rush out looking over at him.

"Love isn't about touch. It's about feelings." He finally says.

"Why are you afraid to fall in love?" I ask thinking back to his earlier confession.

"Because I don't want to hurt her." he blurts out. His eyes turn to saucers and his breathing noticeably changes. He's in love. In love with someone else. Why else would he say her.

"You're already in love with someone?" my voice breaks. I cough to cover it. Why am I so dumb. Don't ruin what you have.

"Yes." He says finally looking at me again. A brief glance then his eyes travel back to the roof.

"You're so sure?"

"That's what love is." he hums.

"I think I'm falling in love?" That was a lie. I know i'm falling in love with you. He looks over at me again.

"You shouldn't have to think. You should just know." he tells me.

"How do you know?" I ask.

"When they're not with you yet you wonder what there doing... when you miss them the moment they leave... when they make you smile when all you want to do is cry... when you can't see yourself with anyone but them. When you look at them and see no doubts." He's still facing me but his eyes are gloomy, like he's think of her. Her. Not me. I sigh.

"I'd like to meet her one day."

"Who?" he seems genuinely confused. His eyes and nose scrunched up.

"This girl your're in love with." I clarify.

"Do you want to try again?" He said refering to my bare hands. He sits up and spins to face me.

"Yeah. lets do something different though. breathing isnt working" I suggest.

"Alright focus on... on my voice." He cracks his knuckles and holds his hand out, mid air, ready for me to hold.

"Oh..okay." Despite agreeing my focus is still on his hand. I hold my own hand out as well. Only a few inches from his.

"Hey look at me. Look at me El. Do you remeber when we first me?" He suddenly asks.

I laugh at this. "Of course I do... it was what? only two months ago?"

"Three actually." He corrects.

"Really? it dosent feel like it. Time goes so quickly."

"Sometimes we just need to slow down don't we? really appreatiate where we are and who we're with." His voice was clam and enticing. So much so that I didn't realise his hand had moved closer to my own.

"Yeah." I sigh. I didn't do that enough.

"Look." Zeke says simply. Our fingers were entwined. We were holding hands. His skin on mine, and mine on his.

"Oh my yikes." I breathe out.

"Your doing it." Zeke smiles.

"I... I um..." I start to panic. I can feel my chest tightening and my heart rate fasten. My head spins and I can't breathe.

"Hey its okay." He says softly, concern written across his face. He lets go of my hand. All I wanted to do was reach over and grab it, to hold it tighter and tell him I was okay... but I wasn't. "You don't have to do this... I keep saying it because I mean it. It doesn't matter to us... any of us that we can't touch you. We are here for your personality not your body."

"I want this." I said firmly. Focusing on my breathing I reach over to the side table where I'd put my water bottle earlier.

"As long as its you that wants it." He says showing time that kind smile I had grown to adore.

a crash down stairs followed by a sorry ma'am

Zeke shakes his head with a laugh. He must see my curiosity as he answers my unspoken question. "Aaron and Nick are here."

"Hey go get Eloise were ready for the part- oh hey Eloise." Aaron rushes in. He stops as soon as he sees me and offers a small wave to which I return.

"You blew it." Nick barges in after hitting Aaron on the back of the head.

"Ow" He mutters holding his head looking like and annoyed five year old.

"Ready for the what?" I ask.

"Dude that was close I thought you blew it." Nick says backtracking

"Go on then. Tell me." I push.

"Well... remember the other day when we were talking and you mentioned you'd never been to a party because... well you know." Aaron begins to fret.

"Yes I do know." I smile at his awkwardness.

"Well. We figured out how to have one and you dont have to worry about contact or anything." Nick says triumphantly.

"That's easy. I just don't go." I reply to which Nick shoulders instantly sag.

Aaron snorts. Nick hits him. "What, that was funny." Aaron defends.

"It's at the hideout." Nick begins.

"It's not gonna be much of a hideout anymore though." Aaron mutters to which earns him a quick slap on the back of the head from Nick. "Ow stop doing that." He rubs his head again.

"It use to be a factory there's an upstairs that look down over the whole thing. So you'd see everything." Nick explains.

"It doesn't sound that glamorous but Fly would be there the whole time with you and there's some people who want to meet you." Aaron adds on, keeping a watchful eye on Nicks hand.

"Ugh." Zeke moans from beside me.

"Shut up Zeke you cant keep her all to yourself." Nick laughs.

"I didn't know you had other friends." I ask looking at Zeke strangely. We'd known each other for only a short time but he had never mentioned anyone other than Aaron, Nick and Fly.

"He doesn't." Nick sighs. Sounded like a touchy subject.

"He doesn't particularly like new people too much." Aaron informs me.

"He likes me just fine." I tilt my head confused.

"Oh he likes you alright." Aaron winks.

"Don't make me smack you." Zeke threatens quickly.

"So will you come?" Aaron asks ignoring him.

"Uh sure." I say uncertainly, throwing Zeke a quick glance.

"Good it's tonight." Nick sighs happily.

"Tonight?!" Zeke basically shrieks.