she was untouchable.

17 | i want to be happier.

Waking up in Zeke's bed again was still an unusual experience. The sheets still smelling of him. I lay there a moment, still exhausted and embarrassed. This attack though not my worst was still a bad one. I sighed. I hadn't had an attack like that since we moved here - the longest amount of time between attacks.

I notice a glass of water on the bedside table. Sitting up I reached out for it and take a small sip. Something I learned from my old therapist was to always look after myself after these attacks.

"Zeke?" I croaked out. I waited a moment but heard nothing. "Zeke?" I call out again, this time a little louder. A few moments later he appears at the door and smiles softly.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

"As well as I can. What time is it?" I try to dismiss his first question and look out. it was still bright out though looked to be like it was later in the afternoon.

"About four." He tells me.

"Thank you for not freaking out when I... well, freaked out." I express. Standing up I start to make the bed unsure weather Zeke wants it to be made or too place new sheets on the bed.

"Do you want me to call your mum?" Zeke offers. He leans on the doorframe and watches as I fiddle with the sheets.

"Uh no. I think I might go home though." I reply quickly. I hated this feeling. I hated waking up after an attack and feeling so worthless and shitty.

"Yeah that's okay. I'll walk you." He offers.

"Thanks." I quickly say and rush past him.

"Is there anything else I can do to help?" He asks as he catches up.

"You know you don't have to baby me." I snap quickly regretting it. We soon reach my house but Zeke quickly stands in front of the door preventing me from going in.

"I'm not babying you. I'm just looking out for you." he says firmly.

"Why? I'm used to feeling like this." I bite back.

"I'm looking after you because I care about you." he points with frustration.

I scoff.

"Hey." He says more firmly.

"Could you ever fall for someone you couldn't touch?" I blurt our before I can stop myself.

"...I think I already have." Zeke replies softly.

"What do you mean?" I question.

"I mean... I want to take you out on a date." He now stands taller, reaffirming himself.

"I uh" I stammer. My heart beats loud enough I'm sure he can hear.

"Will you go on a date with me?" He then asks.

My breath hitches as the words fall from his mouth. "Can I get back to you on that." I force out then quickly closed the door in Zeke's face. What compelled me to do so was beyond me. What is wrong with me. Zeke, who still standing behind the door, calls for me. Falling to the floor with my back still to the door my mind goes wild.

"I need a drink." I mumble quietly to myself.

Walking into the kitchen I see my mother reading a book at the counter. "You're home early. I thought you were supposed to stay out there one more night?" I ask. She had gone out to see her boss, something she didn't usually do. He had always come to us but his wife had just had gone into labor early so my mother had offered to go to him. He was a good man and was very kind to us, almost like a brother to my mother.

"I was but I didn't want to take up too much of their time. Jerry asked about you. He's happy to hear that you're doing better. He offered you the job again." She tells me pointly. He had offered me the job before we had moved but I didn't take it. Mum and I had had a long talk about it, she told me why she had taken her job despite no needing the money and I had told her how it felt like a pity handout.

"I've been thinking about that actually. I was going to ask him if the offer still stands." I tell her.

"Your going to take the job?" She asks surprised. She knew how much I liked doing things on my own.

"Yeah, something to do, y'know?" I shrug.

"That's my girl." She smiles. "How was you're weekend?" She asks.

"It was fun." I say simply.

"That's good." She says without looking up.

"I had a freak out this morning." I admit.

"Oh sweetie, what happened?" she asks as she gets up and walks over to me.

"I'm okay now, I just need to rest." I laugh out. Despite the sleep I had just had my body was exhausted.

"You can talk to me you know." She said in her motherly voice.

"I know." I smile. "Zeke asked me out." I blurt out. Her eyes go wide and a large smile graced her lips.

"Well haven't you had a wild time." She crosses her arms over her chest.

"I'm gonna go have a bath." I excuse myself.

Walking out of the bathroom an hour later I notice Zeke's light was still on. Moving closer to the door I see him laying on his bed throwing a ball in the air and catching it repeatedly. Opening the window and leaning out let's fresh cold air in. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment. In. Out. In. Out. I would have to give Zeke an answer soon. And that terrifies me. I had never gone on a date before. Why would anyone want to go out with someone they couldn't hold. I thought to myself.

I open my eyes and focus on Zeke. He looks frustrated. He throws the ball again, this time harder making it hit the roof and fall down on the bed next to him. As it rolls across the bed and onto the the floor he looks up and sees me.

Now was the time. I had to give him the answer now and stop putting it off. I motion for him to open his widow to which he obliges. It's quite for a moment. "Yes." I blurt out shocking both him and myself.

"What?" He asks. A small smile gracing his lips as he realises what I had said.

"Yes. I'll go out on a date with you." I clarify quickly.

His smile is bigger now. So big you could see it in his eyes. "Is tomorrow too soon?" He asks.

I laugh at this. "How about next weekend, Saturday." I ask. I had not been on a date before and worried. I needed time to work myself up with the courage.

"A whole week? you're going to make me wait a whole week." He whines. "That's okay. I'd wait for you forever." He adds.

"Don't be so cheesy." I tell him scrunching my nose up.