Bulletproof || l.h. (Criminal!5sos)

XXX

Luke's POV

3 days.

It has been 3 days since the last time I heard her beautiful soothing voice. I miss it so badly. I miss her so badly. She'd always wake up next to me with her head resting on my chest as I played with little strands of her hair. I barely sleep at night but I'd stare at her no matter for how long, knowing how much she liked being like that. She made every second of it seem to pass so quickly. And then, as the soft rays of sunlight touched her face, she'd slightly move her arms so I could hold her close and kiss her cheeks, finally finding our heads aligned so those beautiful eyes of her were the first thing I saw in the morning.

Now she can't even look at me in the eyes.

On the day we fought, Rena did arrive safe and sound to stay in for the night, like everyone else. Calum seemed so relieved I thought he was going to burst into tears when he saw her walking through that door. But that's just an assumption of mine. Either way he's still a fucking hypocrite. I can't blame him, though. At least he never hurt the girl he loves like I did.

Until this day I still haven't figured out the reason who made me do that to her. Anger? Anxiety? Revenge? Perhaps. But none of them were enough of an excuse for hurting her like that. I would never find one. She really didn't deserve this. The truth is she has been through hell and back these last couple of months and I am the reason for it. I didn't mean to do any of this. I really didn't. I have to admit how selfish and cold hearted that makes me feel. Maybe that's what I really am. And somehow, deep inside, I was still hoping she'd talk to me, allow me to explain myself - even though I haven't even figured an explanation myself - and apologize for what I did. I was never taught how to do it. I don't really know how you're supposed to ask for someone's forgiveness. I felt humiliated every time I did so. But she was worth the shot. She was worth the whole world.

Of course I had tried talking to her. Or maybe try to make her talk to me, interact with me, but every time I touched her she'd just run away. And i mean literally. She'd just leave whatever she was doing and lock herself in her room for a while before coming back. I believe my touch made her feel disgusted. Not only scared, but specially disgusted. "Can you pass me the salt?", "This is yours", "I will be back in an hour". These were the only types of things I could say to make her interact with me, obviously not getting any kind of answer back.

I miss her so much.

I'm a monster.

Maybe I should just leave her. She'd be safer without me.

But I have to give it one last shot.

"Clo?" I knock on her bedroom door. 2:17 AM were the digits on my lockscreen. No answer from her, once again. Maybe she's sleeping. I open the door slightly. "May I?"

"Yes." Her voice echoed like it came from the gates of heaven. She is sitting on the floor with his legs pressed against her chest, blanket wrapped around her shoulders, dark circles under her watery eyes, messy hair. God. How beautiful is she?

I sit next to her slowly.

"You're too close."

Moving slightly away from her, I rest my back against the wall, facing Chloe. I didn't want to make her even more uncomfortable.

"How are you feeling?"

Dumbass. Of course she won't answer that.

"I think we should-"

"Why?" She pauses. "Why did you do this to me?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I wish I could give you a good explanation for it but I can't because there isn't one." I can't lie to her. I've hurt her enough. "I could just sit here and make up something but it would be pointless. You deserved an explanation, but I can't give it to you because I haven't found it. I don't think I ever will."

She sighs at my answer, seeming disappointed.

"I was anxious, frustrated, I... I don't know... I though Michael and Calum were gone for real. I wouldn't be able to carry that much guilt. So I guess I threw the blame at you." I pause again. "I know it is still not good enough of an excuse..."

"It isn't."

I face the floor after hearing her. But I couldn't just expect her to just let it go and pretend it didn't happen, could I?

"You were about to hit me."

"No, I was not. I would never-"

"I thought I could trust you."

"And you can! I would never hit you I swear. I promise it won't happen ever again. I'm such an asshole. I don't even know why I said what I said, it made no sense. I just lost it."

"And who guarantees me that you won't lose it again?"

"I can guarantee you. I give you my word. I learned my lesson. You didn't deserve any of this. I've put you through hell. Being involved in such an awful situation like ours... It isn't easy."

"I'm glad you understand why I'm leaving, then."

No. No. No. No, this can't be happening.

"No, please." I grab her hands gently. "Chloe please stay I'm begging you-"

"Don't touch me!" She gets up and her eyes start getting watery. "Don't you dare touching me!"

"I can protect you, this is not who I am you know it!" No matter what I say, she only cries harder.
God, how am I so dumb? Can't I just tell her that I'm sorry? What's making it so hard? "Chloe, please. I'll change. I promise you. I just need you here with me."

"No..." She sobs. "No you are not-"

"I'm sorry."

That's it. I said it.

"I'm sorry, Chloe. I'm so sorry." She looks deep in my eyes, surprised and relieved at the same time. She takes a deep breath, attempting to stop crying. I wish I could hold her. "I hope you forgive me. One day."

I start walking towards the door. I realized that my presence here was only making it worse. Maybe she's right. Maybe she will be better off without me. I became a monster for hurting her and that was all I wanted to avoid.

"I never meant to hurt you. Or harm you. Or betray you. I'm so sorry." I open the door to leave, hoping that she'd say something. Maybe I should say something. "I love you."

And there it is.

I thought apologizing would be hard. But telling her that I love her? It was so much harder. Specially after hearing myself saying it out loud for the first time.

But nothing. Absolutely no sound was made by her lips.

That's it. I can't do anything else. She doesn't love me back. Of course she doesn't. Why would she love a monster like me?

"Wait." Her shaky voice makes me stop. "Wait I..."

"What is it?"

"Do you really mean that?"

"Yes. I do really mean that." I get a little bit closer to her. "I love you, Chloe Williams. I'm so sorry-"

She steps closer and rests her head on my chest. I hold her close to me. The lack of her touch has been driving me insane.

"Please don't break my heart."

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A/N: chluke 4 lyf