I wish I could answer him but all I did was to look deeply in his eyes and lower them, embarrassed by my inability.
His face was a mixture of multiple feelings like compassion, delusion and worry. I had learned to decipher them after seeing so many people behave the same, but reading faces is something that mostly helps me survive in this cruel world.
I took a post it note and began to write.
'I'm sorry if I'm not as you expected me to be'
He hesitated for a moment and stuttered.
"W-what are you saying? You don't have to be sor-ry..." his voice was strong enough to sound convincing but full of delusion.
He kept observing me, although almost invisible there was a slight disappointed look on his face.
We kept silent for a while, during which I was imploding and trying to not squeal.
Maybe I had forgotten that he was feeling uncomfortable.
"Let's go somewhere more private" he said and got up from his seat, walking out with me trying to catch up.
Is he that disappointed? I'm sorry Hoseok... I know you don't like me at all... I'm sorry
We took a taxi as soon as we got out.
During the journey to wherever we were going, he didn't speak at all, it was a little awkward but I was still fangirling really hard inside.
Often when I'd look in his direction I'd see him already staring which would make me blush right away. At first from a hostile look in his eyes he would change it to a sad one and just smile it off, not a bright and energetic smile rather a responsible and understanding one.
He acted as if I wasn't his fan and that stare wasn't lethal for me, little did he knew I could've died right there right then.
"We're here" he informed me when the taxi stopped behind a hotel.
It was really huge and one night there probably costed a lot.
There were a lot of fans outside sitting down on the floor and waiting to see them.
After a few more awkward minutes he held my hand and led me secretly to the lift and we got off at the sixth floor.
He motioned me to go in his room and locked the door.
I sat on the couch feeling a little uncomfortable while he sat before me, on his bed.
I felt as if my inability was a barrier to him or maybe he just wasn't used to it.
He sat there looking into air and trying to fight back the obvious deluded look on his face now.
Hobi...I'm sorry...
He then lied down, still feeling tired from yesterday's concert and frankly me too.
Silence was becoming really heavy so I decided to write something.
'Do you know sign language?'
He shook his head.
"But teach me. I want to know you more" he said casually but I was dying hearing those words.
I was reminded of something in that moment.
We were sitting alone in that room. In his room. Only us. Hoseok and me.
Pulling myself together, without getting too excited I taught him how to gesture a few things.
"Ugh I need time to memorize more" he laid on his back again.
"I've got an idea!" he grinned sheepishly getting right back up. "Let's watch a movie!"
I made a face as to say 'which?'
"Which genre you like the most?"
he asked taking a laptop.
I made a humming sound and wrote down 'horror'.
