Flower Boy (BoyxBoy)

vi

edd.

I HAVE A THERAPIST.  She's new for me—my first one—but we've been talking since before I arrived in this new city. At first I was reluctant to come, because a part of my thought that seeing a therapist meant that I was admitting defeat. After a few weeks of seeing her, though, I'm starting to get used to the feeling of telling her everything. It feels selfish sometimes, but honestly, I don't have anyone else to talk to, and she offers great advice.

As I pull into the parking lot, I realize that I am going to have to tell her about everything today. About Kevin, how he made me feel, what I did to myself.
My palms sweat with the thought of confessing I might fancy someone new. My breath is shaky and I take a moment to inhale a deep breath before getting out of my car and walking into the building. I'm fifteen minutes early for my appointment, so I check in with the front desk and sit in the waiting room. I take out my phone to pass the time.

(2) Missed Calls from Father

NEW MESSAGE

Have you arrived at your appointment yet?

Yes. I am right on time.

I hum and tap my fingers on my leg nervously. I haven't been this nervous for an appointment since my first day.

"Eddward Vincent?" A voice asks from the front of the room. "Miss Salid is ready to see you."

I look towards her and stand up. "Thank you."

Walking into her office seems surreal for some reason. And I'm scared, but not sure what of.

"Edd, it's nice to see you," Miss Salid says kindly from behind her desk. "Please, sit."

She points to the dark maroon corduroy loveseat that is vertical to where she sits in a chair on wheels. I sit down and look for the nearest trashcan.

"How are you feeling today, Edd?" She asks.

"I'm actually not feeling very well today, Miss Said," I tell her.

"Why's that?"

"Stress, I think."

"From your job?" She inquires.

I shrug and look at my hands. "Maybe. I'm happy that the fauna is growing very nicely, and it's a very beautiful store, but..."

"But?"

"I don't know. I like being there more than I like being at home."

"Why's that?"

"I am unsure..." I lie.

Miss Salid nods and writes something down in her journal. I just realized that she was left-handed. I also just realized that her hijab was always a different color, sometimes floral, but usually a dark shade of purple. I've come to understand that it's only when I'm nervous that I get very observant.

"How's the new house, Edd?"

"It's... nice. Lonely."

"Have you invited your friends over recently? Ed and Eddy?"

"They live in different states now," I sigh, itching my forearm. "Sometimes Eddy comes into town driving a truck for a construction company, but he hasn't come by recently."

"Have you made any other friends at college?"

"I haven't."

She nods and scribbles something in her book.